Faith
by ladylookslikeadude
Summary: Spying was beneath Jesse St. James, but Run Joey, Run still left it's scars, and after Graduation Jesse and Rachel have to deal with trust issues and Jesse's jealousy. St. Berry, Jesse/Rachel, hints of Puckleberry.
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: So….here it is. My brand new story, and it's Glee! Um….hope you like it? Review and tell me what you think, kay? By the way, this will be St. Berry all the way through, so don't get your hopes up for a major ship change, alright?**_

**Chapter One**

Rachel yelped in surprise when, after locking her apartment door, she turned around to find Jesse merely six inches away. She had definitely not been expecting him, and since she had insisted that they get separate apartments to keep her independence she really didn't under stand why he was there. Until he spoke.

"Where were you?" He demanded sharply, and Rachel frowned in irritation. Where did Jesse get off trying to know where she was every second of every day? She hadn't done anything to require such close scrutiny from him, and they both knew that.

"I was with Noah Jesse, as you very well should know. You've prevented me from _having_ any other friends here, remember?" Her reply was sharp and angry, and Jesse sneered.

"You can't blame me for that Rach, that was all you and you damn well know it." She laughed sharply, shaking her head in disbelief. If he really believed that, he was out of his mind. She was always trying to make new friends, especially given how her few high school friends were a distant memory now.

"Oh was it? Really? Who complains every time I go out with Noah? Ah, that would be you. Why would it be any different with anybody else?" Her voice was more demanding than it had been since they had gotten to UCLA and she had decided to try and make him more comfortable and secure by quieting her 'diva tendencies' as Noah called them. But no more.

She was sick of having her every movement questioned by someone who should trust her implicitly, and she was sick of acting against her nature and allowing him to control her movements. "I love you Jesse, but you're smothering me, and I can't take much more of this."

Jesse backed away, his face awash in bitterness. "So, what? You're gonna leave me? After all we've been through, after we fought to keep this, you're just gonna up and leave, just because I asked you where you'd been?"

Rachel's eyes widened in shock. "God, no! I love you Jesse, and nothing will change that. I just…." She trailed off, biting her lip. She knew he was manipulating her, but what could she do? She honestly didn't want to lose him, no matter how difficult it was to put up with him sometimes.

"You just what?" He challenged angrily. "You just wanna spend more time with your ex than you do with your boyfriend?"

Rachel looked down. "I'm sorry Jesse, I'm just frustrated." And she was. She was frustrated with the entire situation, and she couldn't see a way out of it.

Jesse forced himself to soften. "I'm sorry too babe." The words felt heavy on his tongue, and it hung in the air between them, an obvious lie that neither wanted to refute. "I just get a little jealous sometimes."

Rachel laughed softly and brushed it off like she always did. "You know you don't have anything to worry about. Noah doesn't mean any harm." She burrowed into his chest while he stared at the top of her head darkly. Puckerman may not seem to mean any harm, but that didn't mean he couldn't cause it, whether he wanted to or not.

After all, he had already mentioned how big of a mistake it was for him to let her go, and she had just laughed and agreed, saying, "We had something good, didn't we?" As if she didn't now, as if he and their nearly two year relationship meant nothing to her compared to her two week one with Puckerman.

"I love you," He whispered into her hair, his grip on her tightening slightly, and Rachel smiled up at his softly.

"I love you too Jesse." She pulled away to go get some dinner, and Jesse just shook his head bitterly.

"I really wish that I could believe that," he muttered to himself sourly, before fixing a small, content looking smile onto his face and going to keep her company. "You know," he commented easily, "If you would eat with me more often, we wouldn't be having this problem." He gestured to the slightly soggy food that she was fighting down a grimace at. She was lucky he didn't sneak some meat or egg into one of the dishes, just so he could have some petty revenge.

Rachel looked up at him sharply, but he kept his show face on and her expression quickly softened, an all too familiar look of guilt crossing her face. "I know Jesse, and I promise I'll try, alright? I miss you; we've been spending way too much time apart lately."

He smiled a little bit bitterly. "I miss you too." _But we wouldn't be missing each other if you wouldn't act like Puckerman was your boyfriend instead of me._ But he didn't say a word, instead just draping an arm around her shoulders. She leaned into him briefly, but when her phone buzzed she grabbed it and frowned, glancing at him as she worried her bottom lip.

Jesse clenched his teeth, the back of her chair creaking as he gripped it tightly, attempting to reign in his anger. He knew that look; he had seen it far too many times after they had arrived at UCLA. Puckerman had texted her, and she was wondering how he'd react if she left to go to him again.

"Can he not be away from you for more than a half an hour without texting you Rach?" His voice was sharper than he meant for it to be originally, but she looked slightly guilty and his suspicions were immediately aroused.

"I'm sorry Jesse, but it's important." Her voice trembled a little, but her mouth was set into a firm line and her eyes plead with him to just leave it.

He frowned, unable to help the edge that crept into his voice when he asked, "What the hell is so important that you can't tell me what it is, and you have to go back out only fifteen minutes after you got back?"

Rachel glanced away. "I promised him that I wouldn't tell anyone Jesse, and that includes you."

He sighed and stood up. "I'll be in bed by the time you get back." He was done waiting for her to come home. At least, he was done for the night. Tomorrow would be a whole other story.

"I'm _sorry_ Jesse!" She cried out, frustration bleeding into her tone, and he sneered at her. She had no right to be frustrated when she was the one who was causing all of the distress tonight.

He smirked bitterly. "Try saying that when you won't be doing the exact same thing tomorrow, alright?"

He left Rachel staring at his back, her expression more guilty than he had ever seen it and trying not to cry. "I'm sorry Jesse," she repeated in a whisper, not sure why he wouldn't believe her, and just trust that she was doing what was right. The way he acted you would think that she was whoring around with her friends at strip clubs or something. "I love you." She got the feeling that he believed her less all the time, and she honestly couldn't understand why.


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N: Alright, so you like it. I get that from the favorites and alerts. That's freakin' epic, but I would like to know what you like. Drop me a line or two, please! Reviews inspire me! They're my food for thought! A one lined 'very nice' would make my day! Please? **_

Jesse scowled briefly at the couple on the couch. He appreciated the fact that Rachel was trying to involve him more in what she and Puckerman did, honestly, but them cuddling while watching Funny Girl was _not_ helping matters very much. Because really? Funny Girl was_ their_ musical, and she was sharing it with someone else. He hovered in the doorway, not willing to leave and not know what they were doing, but equally reluctant to actually enter the room and have them censor their conversation. His ears perked up when Rachel sighed and shifted.

"I'm really not comfortable with not telling Jesse Noah. He's getting suspicious, and I really can't blame him." Jesse's eyes narrowed. He had _known_ that they were hiding something from him, but to hear it spoken out loud twisted something in his chest.

Puck looked at Rachel silently for a long moment. "You think he'd understand why we're doing it? And not tell anyone?"

Rachel shook her head. "Probably not, but I really don't want to keep it a secret anymore." Rachel gave him a pleading look. It was such a good opportunity for Noah, and she didn't understand why he didn't want anyone to know.

Puck heaved a sigh. "Rach, please. If you love me, you'll leave it alone, at least for now, okay?"

She grimaced. "Fine, but I don't like it."

Jesse turned and silently left them to the musical. He didn't even pretend to understand what they were talking about, but that didn't help anything. In fact, it made it quite a bit worse. Why wouldn't Rachel tell him? Did she really distrust him that much? Or was it something else? Something that she _knew_ he wouldn't approve of.

He grimaced and tried to force his thoughts to stop, without much success. What if she was cheating on him? More to the point, what if she was cheating on him with Puckerman, just as he'd accused her of the previous week? He sat on the bed that they shared and buried his face into his hands. If she was, he wouldn't be able to handle it. He loved her too much to ever be able to deal with her cheating on him.

Didn't he provide her with everything? He gave her his love, access to his money, although she hadn't even touched it for the two years they'd been dating, he tried to give her the space that she claimed to need….but what if that space was what allowed her to cheat on him? He cringed at the thought.

He stood up abruptly, deciding to end all this wondering once and for all. He stalked out of the bedroom, only to pause, seeing Puckerman smack Rachel on the ass. She yelped, turned around, and smacked his chest sharply. "That hurt Noah, and it's not at all appropriate for you to do to someone in a relationship! Can you imagine what Jesse would think?"

Jesse relaxed some. She hadn't seen him, so that was her honest reaction, and it was so severe that he could feel all of his worries being swept to the side. That is, until she broke her stern façade and laughed softly. The sharp clenching in his chest started again, and he purposefully scuffed his shoe on the floor as he walked down the hall towards them.

Rachel spun and smiled brightly. "Jesse! You missed the end," she scolded teasingly, hugging him and trying to hide her flushed, guilty looking face. Jesse just wrapped an arm around her shoulders and watched Puck, who was shifting nervously.

'Shit', Puck thought to himself. 'Did she already tell him? Is that why he's watching me? Does he think I'm totally lame? Fuck, I bet he does. Goddamn, you know it's bad when a theatre major thinks that you're lame. Screw that, I'm not telling anyone until I know for sure, no matter what Berry says. She can beg all she wants, I will _not_ tell anyone, not until I know for sure.'

Jesse watched silently as Pucks' eyes travelled from him to Rachel, looking increasingly nervous as he shifted. "I've gotta go," Puck finally blurted out, unable to handle to heavy atmosphere any longer. The front door slammed behind him as Rachel gaped before turning to Jesse.

"Did you do something?" She flinched the moment it came out of her mouth. She hadn't meant for it to sound that accusing, but she had been wanting to talk to Noah before he left, and now she would have to wait until he calmed down, which would probably take a couple of days. He was so high strung.

Jesse sneered slightly. "I didn't do a damn thing Rach, but he certainly looked guilty. I wonder why that is?"

Rachel shoved herself out of his arm in irritation. "Are we really going to start this again? I'm not cheating on you, and certainly not with Noah."

Jesse shrugged. "You two certainly looked comfortable enough during the musical, _our_ musical. Not to mention how he smacked your ass, and you really didn't seem to mind."

Rachel flushed, but pushed on. "Jesse, I love _you_. Noah was just being himself, and as perverted as he is, he doesn't mean anything by it. You know that!"

"Actually, at the moment I only know what you tell me, which isn't very much," Jesse pointed out quietly. "I don't like all of these secrets Rach, and I know that you don't either. You're too truthful for you to feel comfortable not telling me everything."

She bit her bottom lip nervously. "I promised him Jesse. I don't like not telling you, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't like breaking his trust more."

Jesse fought back the urge to swear. "Fine Rach, whatever. So, should I just go and wait in the bedroom while you call him back, so you can apologize for whatever the fuck it is I did?"

"What? No! I don't want you to not feel welcome in your own apartment Jesse! I just can't tell you what's going on with me and Noah!" Rachel grabbed his arm desperately, but Jesse jerked away from her.

"I sure as hell don't feel welcome most of the time now!" He snapped, and Rachel let out a cry of frustration. "What do you want me to do Jesse? You're not happy when I spend time with him outside of the apartment, and now you're not happy that I'm spending time with him in the apartment? You're not making any sense!"

Jesse grabbed her when she turned to storm away. "I'm not done talking to you Rachel," he warned in a low voice. "Don't turn away from me."

Rachel was pretty sure that she stopped breathing, because his grip was hard enough to bruise and the expression on his face made her want to cringe and start apologizing. "Jesse, you're scaring me," she whimpered, tugging her arm weakly, knowing it was futile.

He looked at her and softened, dropping her arm. "I'm sorry baby, but you _know_ that I hate it when you try and leave before we're done discussing."

Rachel stepped away and massaged her arm. "I was trying to leave because we're arguing and nothing substantial was getting said by either of us. I figured if we could cool down separately, maybe we could talk about it later."

"That makes sense, but next time, could you _tell_ me instead of just leaving?"

She nodded, averting her gaze, and Jesse cringed. "C'mon baby, you know I wasn't trying to be so mean, I was just frustrated."

"You hurt me Jesse." Her softly spoken words struck him like a bulldozer. He shook his head, but reached towards her arm anyways. She let him roll her sleeve up, and he choked back a sob when he saw her arm. It was already bruising, and it was very obviously in the shape of a hand, _his_ hand.

He gathered her into his arms gently. "You know I'd never purposefully hurt you baby, you know that right? I just wasn't paying attention to how hard I was grabbing you, it'll never happen again, I swear." Jesse looked into her eyes desperately. "You believe me, don't you?"

Rachel looked into his eyes as well, and nodded slowly. He had never hurt her before, not in two years, so maybe it would never happen again, and he really hadn't _hurt _her, he had just grabbed her too tightly. "I-it's not _okay_ exactly, but I know you didn't mean to, and it's not like you hit me, right?" She slowly reasoned it out, and Jesse smiled brightly.

"Yes, exactly. I didn't hit you; I just forgot how fragile you are. I'm so sorry baby; I swear it'll never happen again." He tightened his grip on her carefully, and she buried her face into his neck. Never again, he swore silently. He had let his anger get the best of him, but it would never happen again. He had hurt the woman he loved, because of his fucking_ jealousy_.

"I'll stop bugging you about Puckerman too," he murmured into her hair. "I know you wouldn't cheat on me, but it's frustrating. Still, you deserve to have your secrets with your friends."

Rachel just nodded. Despite everything they had both said, she could feel a small tendril of fear curl through her when she heard him speak, and when she looked at him. It would take her a while to forgive him, if she ever truly could. So she contented herself with gripping him around the waist tightly, keeping her eyes closed and trying not to cry.


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/N: Here's the next chapter. Please review, it makes me so much happier. This is a fluffier chapter, but it's also a prelude to something much more serious, as you will see soon. Read, enjoy, and review folks!**_

Later that night Jesse sat up against the headboard, his eyes blank as the absently traced patterns into Rachel's bare back with one hand, the other tangled into her hair. He was shocked at himself, and a little afraid, although he would never admit it to anyone. He was afraid because for a brief second, the knowledge that he had the _power_ to hurt Rachel that bad, to bruise the girl that sometimes seemed larger than life, to make her cry, that power had been heady and in that brief moment, he had loved it. And that terrified him.

He had never imagined that he could be one of those controlling, possessive boyfriends that he and Rachel had always sneered at when they were in high school. He had laughed at them, at how insecure they were about their girls' affection when he knew that Rachel would never look at someone else when she was with him. But maybe he should have given it more thought. After all, he had transferred schools because of her.

At the time he had thought it was so her Glee Club would stop harassing her over him, over the fact that he was from Vocal Adrenaline, that he was their male lead, but he had to admit that the thought that she could have been playing him and another guy _had_ crossed his mind during the decision to transfer. And maybe his complete obsession over her should have worried him a little bit, but he had always been intense, so the intensity of his feelings for her had made sense to him.

So maybe this had been a long time coming, and going to college with her ex had just exacerbated a situation that would have already been there. Or maybe it was just because of Puckerman and his almost pathological need to talk with Rachel, touch her and send smug glances at Jesse every chance he got, especially when he touched her more intimately then most friends would be allowed, the way that he had smacked her ass that evening proof and point. But he had done his best to trust Rachel; he really had, even if he apparently failed at it.

His eyes gained some life in them as he looked down at her, her dark brown hair splayed across the pillow, the sheet not covering anything, her breasts in clear view. At any other time he would wake her up by kissing on her, by touching her, and maybe go a little farther, especially if she was as receptive as she usually was, but he couldn't bring himself to, not now, not tonight. Not after he had hurt her so bad, and not only physically.

The look of abject fear in her eyes was not one that he wanted to see again, ever, no matter how powerful it made him feel. And _fuck_ he knew that it sounded sick, but he couldn't help how he felt about it. But he could help whether or not he did it again, and he refused to ever be the reason for the fear in her eyes again.

But at the same time, the mere thought that someone else could cause such a passionate reaction in her, even if said reaction was fear, made him want to break something. He clenched his teeth, anger making itself known once more as he dug his fingers into her flesh lightly.

His hand trailed from her back to her arm, and he cringed at how the verdant bruise clashed with her skin, and he traced his handprint. But no matter how hard he shoved it to the side, some primal part of him was proud that she bore his mark, was proud that she wouldn't dare to show skin to anyone until it faded.

But he knew that if she did, if she wanted to hurt him, all she would have to do would be to show Puckerman. The mohawked man would know immediately, and he would want to kick Jesse's ass, no matter what Rachel said about it. Not that Jesse blamed him. If the situation was reversed, he would definitely kick Puckerman's ass, no questions asked. He couldn't help but cringe at the thought of Puckerman being the one to touch Rachel, to love her and help her and _yes dammit_, hurt her too.

Jesse felt sick as he watched her turn fully onto her stomach, successfully hiding the bruise from his prying eyes. She turned her face towards him, and he couldn't help but gently trace her features with a single finger. Rachel Berry was truly beautiful, and that didn't help matters any. She was beautiful and funny and clever, and unlike in high school her drive to succeed actually brought people closer, instead of pushing them away.

Even Puckerman had commented on it, only to be laughed off. It was the one time that they had been in agreement. She actually enjoyed the attention that she got now, and as much as they wanted to pull her close and make everyone else back off, they couldn't. That had been when they had first come to UCLA, back when Jesse hadn't minded having Puckerman there too much, before all the secrets and smug looks and blatant lies that he just _knew_ she was telling him.

Puckerman hadn't started off as the 'enemy'. In fact, in the beginning they had been united in their efforts to keep all of the college boys away from Rachel and her bright laugh and too big voice and her toned body. With her being a drama major all of the straight guys had come running for the promising young freshman. But one look from Puckerman had them running back, and they learned their lessons when Jesse had them nearly failed out, his parents' connections to the school finally good for something.

But then something had changed in the way that Puckerman had looked at Rachel, and all of Jesse's old jealousies had come back in full force, reminding him of the way Puckerman had watched Rachel after her video, the video that had started everything. He honestly hated that song now, and any mention of it was met with a clenched jaw and studious avoidance of the subject.

No matter how hard he tried to see it objectively, all he could think about was how tactile they both suddenly were, and how they were suddenly spending so much time away from him without a good explanation, and no matter how hard he tried to be understanding, it just got to be too much, especially when their other friends began looking at him sympathetically. They all thought that she was cheating on him too, but they didn't even know her. He tried hard to defend her, but it's hard to defend someone who's never there. But it wasn't all bad; they had had their fun times too.

His gaze drifted across the room, gently touching upon the dresser that had both of their phones on it before wandering away, skimming over the posters of musicals and plays that they had both been in during their college stay. When he reached a particular one his lips twitched up into a smile. It was the poster for Wicked, and Rachel had finally been able to play one of her many dream roles as Elphaba. He had played Fieyro, and had loved every minute of it.

They had spent so many hours together, memorizing lines and blocking for the musical numbers, that going back to only spending a couple hours a day together had been disconcerting for the both of them.

He sighed, glancing at the clothes strewn across the floor. They were going to have to clean soon, their apartment (Well, Rachel's apartment, but it was the same thing, really, after he had 'lost' his) was a mess. Of course, all of their fights lately hadn't helped any, especially given their tendency for make up sex. And angry sex. And just about every other type of sex imaginable.

He smirked slightly even as he wrenched his mind away from the gutter. Rach was fucking awesome about sex, especially for a girl who had been a complete prude in high school. But honestly, maybe all they needed was a day in, a day where they could block out the world and just be with each other, especially given how stressful classes had been lately, with Finals coming up. 

Jesse snorted, suddenly bitter. Yeah, like that would happen. Rachel was too hung up on whatthefuckever Puckerman was doing to agree to that. And besides that, she was responding to a casting call in the local theatre. Although it wasn't really her usual genre, she had said that she needed something to occupy her time. He had read in between the lines and knew that she needed time away from him and all of their arguments, even if it was just for a single day.

Jesse bit his lip, his gaze constantly drawn towards the dresser where there phones sat. He had seen an advertisement just the other day for their phone service about their new GPS services. It was wrong to even think about it, he _knew_ that damn it all, but it was almost too tempting, the thought that he would know where she was, would know if she lied to him. Well, about that, at least. But maybe it would help him trust her more…

He struggled with it for a long time, his gaze darting from Rachel to her bright pink eyesore of a cell phone before finally swearing under his breath and slipping out of the bed, for the first time thankful that Rachel was such a sound sleeper. He silently took back every time he had wished for her to be easier to wake up as he crept over to the dresser, guilt making every noise he made seem so much louder than it usually would.

Paranoia made him glance over his shoulder every couple of seconds, fearfully envisioning Rachel waking up and immediately knowing exactly what he had been thinking about doing.

Before his fear and guilt could make him change his mind he grabbed her phone, turning off all sounds before turning it off, slipping it behind and slightly under their dresser, where Rachel would never think to look. He wasn't going to try and use it to control her or intimidate her like in those ridiculous movies that she sometimes watched.

No, all he wanted to do was to keep tabs on her, make sure she wasn't hurt or in a bad part of town. To make sure she wasn't lying to him the times that she said she wasn't with Puckerman. He frowned slightly, drumming his fingers lightly on his thigh for a moment. Was that controlling her? Could it truly be considered controlling if he wasn't going to stop her, if he just wanted to know?

Soft noises from behind him made Jesse spin around to look at a sleepy but _awake_ Rachel and he automatically gave her a soft grin as he casually sauntered back to bed. "Is something wrong?" She asked; exhaustion making her slur her words. Jesse was never up and about at this time of night, no matter how bad their arguments got.

Jesse shook his head, firmly ignoring his guilt as she curled up next to him, her soft body curving around his automatically. "I thought I heard your phone ringing, but I couldn't find it," he lied as he turned his head away, feigning nonchalance.

As he had expected, Rachel frowned but shrugged. "If we can't find it tomorrow, I'll just get a new one. I've been meaning to anyway." She had saved up quite a bit of money just for that purpose, actually. If she had managed to lose her phone it would only speed up the process, in her opinion.

The feeling of a plan coming together was the best feeling in the world as far as Jesse St. James was concerned, even with guilt tainting the feeling. "You have that casting call tomorrow, remember?"

Rachel groaned. "No, I completely forgot…." She trailed off before looking at him speculatively. "Hey Jesse, what're you doing tomorrow?" She asked, sweetly smiling at him.

He chuckled lowly. "Yeah babe, I'll go get your phone for you." It had been tempting to make her actually ask, but he already felt guilty enough without reaching for his usual antics.

The sigh of relief that she heaved made him feel even more guilty, no matter how overly dramatic it had been. "Thanks Jess, I really didn't want to do that after the casting call. I'll just have Noah pick me up after…." She cringed, already knowing what his reaction to her faux pas would be, and she really wasn't trying to start another fight. Not after their last one. She absently rubbed her arm. But he surprised her.

"You could," Jesse agreed, smiling at her easily even as he gripped the side of the bed tightly. He had noticed her absent minded movement, and felt even sicker about his plan. "Or….." He trailed off significantly, and Rachel frowned, sitting up and looking more awake than anyone should at three fifteen in the morning.

"Or what?" She asked, looking alternately suspicious and eager.

"Or…I could pick you up after and take you to dinner at that new restaurant that you've been wanting to try," he drawled, and Rachel squealed, launching herself at him in an awkward movement, considering the fact that they were both halfway laying down.

"Are you serious Jesse? That would be amazing," she gushed, and he smiled, just a little bit smug. Because seriously? Puckerman could talk about his badassedness all he wanted, but only Jesse could get Rachel to do exactly what he wanted while making her think that it was exactly what _she_ wanted.

If Puckerman even tried that shit Rachel got pissed off and started ignoring him. The last time he had even tried it she had ignored him for two straight weeks. It had been the longest moment of peace in their relationship since Puckerman had started watching Rachel like he used to, like Jesse did now.

"So I'll be picking you up at eight then?" He asked, just to confirm, and she nodded.

"Definitely," Rachel laughed happily. "You are so not getting out of this." Her bright grin was almost blinding, and it was kind of painful to see, knowing that the only reason she was so happy was because he was being selfish, and yes, a little bit controlling.

But the thought that he could actually control her moods, her emotions like that was kind of addicting, and he brushed her hair back from her face. "You are so beautiful," he murmured softly, and her grin got a little bit wider.

"I love you so much," she breathed, and Jesse smirked just a little bit before he curled his arms around her and she snuggled into his chest. Yeah, he didn't want to get out of taking her to dinner. Maybe it would make up for what he was going to do in terms of karma points.

Yes, Jesse St. James loved the feeling of a plan coming together; especially when there was no guilt tainting said feeling.

**Anonymous Review Reply: AlexisLovesGlee: I totally get what you're saying, but it's like my sort of beta said. College makes all threats to a relationship seem more serious, and there are points where people get so furious that they can't control their own strength, not understanding how easily people bruise. Now, this is simply how I characterize Jesse, especially after the Run Joey, Run video where Rachel was basically musically promiscuous, and he wasn't there for Shelby or to spy. This is simply how I feel he would deal with it. Still, if you're not comfortable with this, then you may not want to read any farther. It **_**will**_** get worse before it gets better. Now, all that said, there will be moments of St. Berry fluff, because I'm a sucker for it. Now, on Puck's secret, I see Rachel as someone who would keep a secret for a friend, especially if it's something that they would consider embarrassing. For her, it's simply being a good friend and supporting Puck in what he decides. For Jesse, it's being secretive with someone who is every boyfriend's worst nightmare. The BAMF ex who shares her religion, and who grew up with her in a very small religious community. –nodnod- -steps off of her soapbox- **


	4. Chapter 4

_**A/N: Thanks for the reviews! Dare I ask for more this time? Remember, reviews are worth more than gold! And despite how I prefer reviews, a big thanks to those who've only put me on story/author alert and favorited my story. I appreciate it all. WARNING: There will be a lemon in this chapter. If you want to avoid it, don't read after they get to the apartment. I don't want any flames over this, because I DID warn you. Beyond that, enjoy! **_

Jesse stretched slowly when he woke up in the morning, smiling softly at the head of dark hair splayed across his chest. A quick glance at the clock turned his smile into a look of panic as he shook Rachel awake.

"Rach, baby, you've gotta wake up! Your casting call is at nine, and it's eight right now!" Rachel shot up quickly.

"Are you sure?" She turned to look at the clock herself and swore. "Dammit, I can't believe neither of us remembered to set the alarm!" She jumped out of bed, tangling herself up in the sheets, ending up dragging Jesse onto the floor with her when she dropped herself.

They both burst out laughing, Rachel taking more care this time to disentangle herself from the sheets. "Sorry," she apologized, her lips still twitching, and Jesse just shook his head, his own lips curving gently. He just laid back and watched her run around the room, grabbing her clothes and makeup to take into the bathroom with her.

"Afraid I'll distract you?" He called out teasingly, referring to when she had ended up late to her first casting call in UCLA. She had made the mistake of dressing in the bedroom instead of the bathroom, and he had begun kissing and nipping at her neck, his hands wandering.

Needless to say she had ended up very late, and she had learned her lesson. Of course, that particular lesson was to wake up early so they would have time to mess around, but beggars can't be choosers.

Rachel flushed and hurried into the bathroom, leaving Jesse chuckling mirthfully on the floor. Only Rachel could get that embarrassed after they had had sex too many times to count. He shoved himself up and lazily pulled on his jeans from the pile of clothing beside the bed.

Rachel bustled out of the bathroom with her toothbrush in her mouth, her shirt on but her skirt still in her hands. "What's up?" Jesse looked at her curiously, and she dropped the skirt, taking the toothbrush out of her mouth.

"Noah told me that for the type of musical this is, I should wear more casual clothing than my normal ensembles," she explained, reaching into the dresser for her only pair of jean, therefore not seeing the way that Jesse sneered briefly.

"That makes sense, I suppose," he said evenly, and Rachel glanced back at him, a pleased smile curving her lips.

"I'm happy that you're taking what you said yesterday seriously," she said softly, reaching up to give him a tight hug. "And don't think that I don't appreciate it, because I do. I wouldn't know what to do if I had to choose between you and Noah, I really don't."

Jesse chuckled lowly, the sound slightly hollow. "Let's be glad that we don't have to find out," he muttered sourly, already knowing that she would choose Puckerman, and hating that knowledge.

Rachel let go and smiled. "Yeah, I am pretty glad," she agreed as she headed back into the bathroom.

Jesse scowled briefly as he searched for a shirt in the mess that they called a room, finding one that seemed to be clean and tugging it on. He had felt guilty about turning off the alarm when he had woken up and saw how panicked she was, but now he was back to normal.

Rachel sprinted out of the bathroom, groaning in frustration when she saw that it was already eight thirty and she was still pulling her shoes on. "I'm not going to have time to eat," she grumbled as she pulled her hair into a quick, tight ponytail that any Cheerio at McKinley would have been proud of.

Jesse gave her an easy, fake smile. "C'mon babe, do you really think that I'd let you have to run to your casting call? I'll drive you. It's on the way to the phone store," he added, and Rachel gasped.

"Oh my, I had completely forgotten! You're really a Godsend sometimes Jesse." Hello guilt, Jesse had missed you in the ten minutes that you'd been gone.

"Yeah," he muttered, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably as he pulled on his own shoes before heading to the kitchen to make her some breakfast. He quickly sliced up some fruit and made some toast, and Rachel gave him a grateful smile and a kiss on the cheek as she headed to the table to eat.

Ah guilt, what an amazing companion you make to someone who used to be a soulless automaton.

Jesse dropped her off quickly, a good ten minutes before she had to be there, and he was the recipient to a long, passionate kiss before she ran into the theatre. Jesse fought to feel the smugness that came with the knowledge that his plan was coming along perfectly, but all he could feel was guilt, and he groaned angrily as he dropped his head against the steering wheel.

"I can't believe this," he muttered to himself, staring at the phone company through his windshield. He was there, at the pinnacle of his plan, and now he was feeling doubts. Of course.

He ruthlessly crushed down his guilt as he got out of his Range Rover, striding confidently into the store. He gave the sales girl that came over immediately a friendly smile. "My girlfriend lost her phone and needs to replace it immediately, preferably with one that has the GPS so this won't happen again."

The girls smile froze on her face. "Ah. Alright, is her contract with that phone over?"

Jesse nodded. "Yeah, for a little while now, we just haven't had the time to come and get one yet."

She looked bored now. "Well, look through the phones and pick out one. We can place the tracking chip in any of them."

Jesse smiled at her again and headed towards the nearest wall of phones, glancing through them disinterestedly until he saw one that was a bright, brilliant pink. He looked at the features and grinned. It had texting, internet, and it was a slide out phone. Not to mention that it had the advertisement for the GPS tracking device.

It would make the both of them happy, and he would be able to relax more when she was running around with Puckerman. He grabbed a different salesperson and told them which phone he wanted and that he wanted the GPS tracking chip put in it.

The deactivation of Rachel's old phone and the activation of this one went quickly, and he glanced at the clock, surprised that it was still fairly early in the day. It had seemed to go by a lot more quickly than it actually had.

He went to a nearby café and got something small to eat, remembering that he had forgotten to eat with Rachel in the morning.

Once he was done and skillfully avoided the flirting waitress he went outside and walked back to his Range Rover, blowing out a heavy breath as he waited for the car to cool down. Another look at the time left him groaning, laying his head on the steering wheel.

It would be hours before he had to pick Rachel up, and he had nothing to do. That said, he drove back to the apartment and began to pick up, deciding that it would be a nice surprise for Rachel when they got home.

Meanwhile Rachel was scowling darkly, plotting how to kill Noah Puckerman. Not only was this musical humorous and casual, which was pretty far outside her comfort zone, but the humor in it was crude and rather disgusting….which explained why it was _Noah _of all people who had told her about it.

But she was no quitter, so she powered through it, reading lines in the humorous spirit intended, instead of with the disgust that threatened to overpower her. Besides that, Jesse wouldn't be coming to get her until later on in the evening, and to leave now would ruin that for the both of them.

So she participated in the read-through and sang the songs, but she was fairly sure that her discomfort was obvious, no matter how hard she tried to hide it. She automatically reached for her phone to call Noah and complain about how he didn't know her musical preferences, but not only did she remember that her phone was missing, but that Jesse was getting her new one today.

Jesse would always know if she would be willing to do a musical or not. He had told her once that he had considered getting her an audition for Spring Awakening, but had decided that she wouldn't be comfortable with the necessary nudity at that point.

He knew her so well that it was actually kind of scary, but that was one of the many reasons that she had chosen him. He just _knew _these things about her, especially since they were so similar.

She glanced at the clock after the auditions were over and grinned. Jesse would be here soon, and she was so excited. Only he would have remembered that she had mentioned the new vegan restaurant, and that she wanted to go. Even _she_ had forgotten about it until he had mentioned it the previous night.

Rachel bit her lip in delight. She really loved that man.

Jesse had cleaned the apartment, taken a shower, and dressed a little nicer than he had that morning with jeans and a button down instead of a t-shirt. He knew that Rachel would appreciate the effort, even though she was dressed the epitome of casual today.

He pulled into the parking lot and grinned when Rachel immediately began to walk across it to the car.

She was almost breathless with excitement (or something else? His traitorous mind whispered) and pink cheeked. "I can't wait," she laughed delightedly, and Jesse smirked slightly, waiting for her to see his outfit.

Rachel bit her bottom lip, her eyes darkening with lust as she took in his form fitting button down and jeans. Oh, she recognized those jeans alright. They were form fitting and clung to his ass in a way that should be illegal.

"You look _very_ nice right now Jesse," she murmured, her hand reaching out to trail along his arm.

He chuckled, his voice a little bit husky as he replied, "Why thank you. You look pretty awesome in your jeans, I have to admit." He started the car and pulled out, waiting for Rachel to inquire about her phone, but she didn't, to his surprise.

"No questions about your new phone?" He asked, his amusement obvious as she jerked in surprise and laughed.

"No, I honestly forgot. I can't believe that I did though…" She trailed off, irritation darkening her features, and Jesse frowned.

"What's wrong babe?" If it was something about Puckerman he was going to scream.

She huffed before answering, "Noah suggested this musical, but the plot is barely there and the 'humor' is so crude…I hated it, and I can't believe that he would even suggest it."

Scratch what he had said; he was fucking ecstatic about this bit of news about Puckerman. Still, she was really irritated. "I can't believe that he would suggest something like that either. As much as I hate to say it, he knows you so well that it's really a surprise."

Rachel just sighed before smiling at him warmly. "It doesn't even matter right now. Tonight is about us, right?'

Jesse chuckled lowly. "Yeah Rach, it definitely is."

She grinned at him. "Good, now what's my phone look like?" She asked eagerly, and Jesse laughed loudly before taking it out of his front pocket.

She grabbed it eagerly, looking at it in awe. "It's perfect Jesse, thank you."

He gave her a strange look before focusing on the road. "What are you thanking me for?"

"For getting it in a color that I like. I figured that I would end up with a black phone or something." She admitted, and Jesse snorted.

"I will admit, the thought crossed my mind, but I wanted you to be happy with it." He paused and looked at her again, worry twisting his stomach as he asked, "You are, right?"

Rachel looked at him blankly. "I am what?"

"You're happy with it?"

Rachel smiled and laid a small hand on his arm. "I'm deliriously happy right now Jesse, about everything. You're amazing."

Jesse fought back a cringe even as he gave her a half hug, one hand still on the steering wheel, staring straight ahead. "You know I love you, right baby?"

"Yeah, I know, I love you too," she answered, giving him a curious look that he chose to ignore.

He honestly wasn't sure if he would be able to deal with it if she decided that she couldn't deal with the GPS chip. What if she decided that it was the last straw? No, it was easier to just keep quiet about it and just smile and act like he was behaving.

He pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant and turned to give Rachel a proper hug. "I love you so much baby, and I love showing you that I do. I'm so sorry for everything that I've done, and I know I'll do more, probably a lot more, that I'll have to apologize for, but I swear I never meant to hurt you, physically or emotionally."

Rachel hugged him back, burying her face in his neck as he spoke. "I love you too Jesse, and I get it, I really do. We're both emotional, dramatic people, and we hurt each other without meaning to Jess, but as long as we talk it out, we'll be fine, I swear it."

Her brown eyes were wide and wet and Jesse honestly couldn't help himself. He pulled her closer and kissed her, and he watched in satisfaction as she closed her eyes and pulled herself closer to him, jerking when her knee hit the gear shift but otherwise ignoring it.

Jesse pulled back slowly, smirking at the dazed look on her face as she breathed, her chest heaving even as she slowly tried to fix her mussed hair. A quick glance in the mirror had her makeup left as a lost cause, only bothering to wipe off the remainder of her lip gloss.

He got out and quickly crossed to the passenger side, opening her door for her and helping her out of the car.

"How chivalrous of you," Rachel teased gently, and Jesse chuckled lowly.

"Oh yes, I definitely am," he teased right back, bumping her gently with his hip. "Now for tonight, none of this nonsense of getting the cheapest thing on the menu, alright? I'm spoiling you tonight, and I won't hear anything about the cost."

Rachel just sighed and nodded, smiling a little bit. She enjoyed a bit of spoiling once in a while, no matter how hard she tried to fight against it sometimes.

They both had a good time, although Jesse found that his opinion of vegan food had not changed at all. He still thought that most of it sounded disgusting. There were a very few things that he was willing to eat that were vegan, but luckily they were all on the menu.

On their way home they talked and laughed, their conversations mixed in with some dark looks and lingering touches that made Rachel blush. But when they got into the apartment she looked about ready to cry, and Jesse panicked.

"Shit Rach, did I do something wrong?" He looked around desperately, trying to find something that would make her react like that, but he was unable to find anything.

She shook her head, her hand pressed against her mouth gently. "No, no it's perfect Jesse. It looks amazing, I just can't believe…" She trailed off and turned to him quietly. "Did you clean the bedroom too?"

Jesse looked slightly insulted. "Of course. Have I _ever_ done anything half assed?"

Rachel shook her head, a small smirk curving her lips as she slunk towards Jesse. "Nope, just making sure. After all, we're going to end up there _very_ soon."

Jesse smirked straight back. "Oh are we now?"

Rachel nodded, biting her bottom lip. "Mhm." She casually pulled off her top, leaving Jesse breathless as he took in her red lacy bra. But when he reached for her she stepped back casually, shaking her head. "Uh uh Jesse. Just watch for now."

Jesse sat back happily and watched, swallowing as the jeans came off next, her sneakers having been slipped off at the door. She sauntered towards him, straddling his lap, swatting gently at his hands when he tried to grab at her waist.

She slowly rotated her hips, and Jesse groaned, dropping his head on the back of the couch. "You're killing me baby," he muttered, gently skimming his hands up her sides, taking her lack of teasing scolding as permission to grab a hold of her hip to still her.

Rachel laughed lowly before leaning forward. "Take me to bed Jesse," she murmured into his ear, and he groaned again, placing his hands firmly on her ass to hold her as he stood up, carrying her into the bedroom.

He dropped her on the bed, and just stood there for a moment, staring at the sight she made sprawled on the bed in her red lacy lingerie. "You're gorgeous baby," he whispered, and Rachel smiled lazily.

He quickly stripped, unbuttoning his shirt as quickly as he could before pulling off his jeans. By this time Rachel had stood up, a playful smile on her face, and Jesse grinned. He prowled towards her, and Rachel backed up, biting her lip as she dodged around him, laughing when he grabbed her around the waist, tossing her onto the bed again.

He quickly pinned her to the bed, holding her hands over her head as he kissed her firmly, leaving her breathless as he trailed kisses down her neck, nipping and sucking as he went. He traced patterns into her skin with his tongue, releasing her hands as he drifted down to her breasts, nibbling on her nipple through her bra as his hands crept along her back to unclasp her bra.

As Jesse lavished attention on her breasts his right hand traveled down, rubbing her gently through her panties. Rachel threw her head back and whimpered loudly, squirming as she tried to get more friction. "Jesse," she moaned, and he smirked slightly.

"What's wrong baby?" He murmured against her chest, lifting his head up as he pressed his hand against her more firmly. "You've gotta tell me what you want sweetheart."

"Jesse, please," Rachel gasped out, her hips lifting and twisting as she grasped the sheets desperately.

He grinned at her before slipping down her body. "What do you want Rach?" He nuzzled against her before mouthing her through her panties.

She keened loudly and Jesse groaned against her, nipping at her gently before pulling her panties off, going back to trace her with his tongue and fingers, never actually entering her. "You've gotta tell me baby girl, you know I won't do anything unless you tell me that you want me."

Rachel groaned, twisting her hips desperately. As much as she hated the fact that he had to be validated during sex, she kind of loved it at the same time. It was ridiculously hot how he demanded that she tell him what she wanted. "Jesse, you know I want you," she gasped. "Please…"

Jesse groaned, nipping at her clit and causing her to scream. "Baby, you know that I need to know what you want. C'mon babe, please."

She knew exactly what he wanted, but she wasn't sure if she could tell him. "Jesse…" He bit at her clit more firmly, latching on and causing her to keen loudly. "Jesse, just fuck me, please!"

Jesse laughed breathlessly and lifted himself up, shoving himself into her as he kissed her harshly, swallowing her moans and gasps. "You're so tight baby, God I love you…" He rasped against her lips, trailing kisses to her neck where he nipped and sucked, leaving several dark bruises on her.

Rachel moaned, tossing her head from side to side, her lips still tingling. She had tasted herself on his lips, and she whimpered as he jerked her into a different position. "Moses Jesse…"

He groaned, fucking her harshly, the bed shaking violently as he pushed into her, his hands squeezing her hips firmly.

Rachel cried out in pleasure, closing her eyes as pleasure crashed over her in waves, and Jesse came inside of her with a low, guttural groan.

He collapsed on top of her, the weight comforting and reassuring as she shifted slightly, sighing gently. "I love you baby," Jesse muttered, his voice slightly slurred as he moved to the side to spoon her.

"I love you too," she said, her voice muffled as she buried her face in his neck. "Do we have anything to do tomorrow?"

Jesse shook his head. "No, I don't think so. No classes until next week, thank you spring break."

Rachel laughed tiredly, yawning as she intertwined their legs. "Good, 'cause I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to go anyway."

Jesse winced. "Shit Rach, I'm sorry. I should have been more gentle, it's been a pretty long time…"

"I'm fine Jesse, don't worry about it." She smiled at him gently. "Let's just go to sleep, alright?"

Her only answer was a soft snore.


	5. Chapter 5

_**A/N: You can thank northstar61 for this update. I read her update of Someone to Love You and it inspired me. But yes, the last chapter is explicit proof of why I should never write smut, right? But that's how the muses wrote it…it probably won't happen again unless you tell me whether you like it or not, honestly. I found the distinct lack of mention of it positively cringe worthy…Thanks for all of the review last chapter….dare I ask for a nice, solid ten this chapter?**_

Rachel yawned softly and stretched languidly as she woke up, rubbing her eyes absently. Jesse grumbled in his sleep and tightened his grip on her waist as she tried to slip out of bed. She finally managed to wriggle out of his grasp and stood, grabbing a pair of his boxers from a drawer and one of his many UCLA t-shirts. She padded out of the room after dressing and headed to the kitchen to make breakfast.

The phone rang just as she was reaching for the eggs and she frowned, shutting the fridge and grabbing it quickly so it wouldn't wake Jesse up. "Hello?" She glanced at the clock and her frown deepened.

"Noah, it's eight in the morning. What could possibly be so important that you need to call this early?"

"Rach, they called me. I might actually be able to do this!"

Rachel rolled her eyes. "No, really? Of course you will Noah, that's never been up for debate, especially by me, but you and I need to talk later about that musical that you suggested."

Puck laughed his good mood obvious even over the phone. "Aw Rach, it was just a joke, I didn't mean anything by it. I figured you'd get a laugh out of it and go home."

"I didn't find it very funny Noah. It was vulgar and repulsive, and you should have known that I'd want no part of it."

"Oh, so I should have read your fuckin' mind like St. James does, huh?"

Rachel groaned. "What does Jesse have to do with any of this Noah?"

"Oh, how about everything? He's not good for you Rach, and you've gotta see that! You should leave his sorry ass before he leaves you for one of those Cali girls he's been ogling!"

Puck was practically begging her, and her hand unconsciously came up to rub at her arm even as tears filled her eyes.

"Noah…." She trailed off, unable to say anything. He might be right, but she honestly couldn't fathom life without Jesse, and she said as much, adding, "I know better than to believe that Jesse would stray."

"Dammit Rachel, you never could see what was right in front of you, could you?"

He hung up the phone abruptly; leaving her staring at the receiver like it could give her the answers. "I really don't understand," she murmured as she gently replaced the receiver onto the base.

She turned around only to yelp loudly as she bashed her nose into Jesse's bare chest. He reached out to steady her, and when she looked up with a smile to thank him, all she could see were his cold eyes, and her smile dropped quickly.

"You're supposed to still be asleep," she muttered, trying to avoid the discussion she knew was coming. "I was planning on making you breakfast in bed," she added, trying the brush her hair out of her face, her lips tightening when he refused to let go of her wrists.

"Jesse, please…"

"Please what Rachel? Please leave you alone so you can contemplate whatever Puckerman told you?"

Rachel looked down, her lips pressed together tightly. "You told me that you'd drop all of this about Noah," she reminded him, attempting to pull her wrists from his grasp.

"I love you Rach, but it always seems to be about 'Noah' nowadays." He said Noah in a breathy, airy imitation of her voice, and her head snapped up.

"I do _not_ say his name like that Jesse. Dammit, you _promised_ me that you would stop all of this," she cried out, and he dropped her wrists like they had burned him.

"Fine Rach, you want me to stop? How about I just stop caring about everything that involves you? How about I stop caring about you? Would that make you feel any better?" He challenged, and the tears that had filled her eyes when she had talked with Puck finally spilled over as she backed away from him. He wanted to feel bad about it, he really did, but all he could do was step forward, crowding her into the wall.

"No Jesse, that _wouldn't_ make me feel any better," she nearly screams, shoving at his chest in a surprising move that caught them both off guard, Rachel looking horrified at herself. "Oh my God Jesse, I'm so sorry. I wasn't even thinking, I can't believe I just did that…"

Jesse gently took her by the shoulders and steered her into the living room, nudging her down onto the couch before following suite, pulling her close to him.

"It's okay baby," he soothed, gently running his fingers through her hair, massaging out the tangles that he found. "I know you didn't mean it, don't worry about it. You just lost control, and I was provoking you. We'll be fine, it'll be fine. Trust me baby, please."

He was starting to sound a little bit desperate, and she was starting to cry a little bit, clutching at him. "C'mon babe, it was an accident. These things happen, but as long as we learn from it it's fine."

Rachel tilted her head up to look at him, and her tear streaked face tugged at his heartstrings in the most painful way he'd ever felt. "I think this might be what Noah was talking about," she whispered softly. "He said, well, he actually said that you're not good for me, but I think we might not be good for each other Jesse, and that terrifies me."

Her eyes were wide and damp. "I wouldn't know how to deal with anything without you Jesse, and I didn't even know that until Noah told me I should leave you. I'm so scared that I'm so dependant on you."

Jesse snarled a little bit, and Rachel buried her face in his chest. "I'm sorry," she muttered, "But I think we really need to talk about this Jesse, please."

He huffed a little bit. "How am I supposed to say no when you ask like that?"

"You're not." Rachel smiled a little bit. "You know I love you, don't you?"

"I love you too baby," he whispered, avoiding answering.

Her smile faded. "You don't believe me." Rachel's voice was flat; as was her expression and Jesse cringed.

"It's not that I don't believe you baby, it's just that you make it hard to believe sometimes."

"So it's my fault that you don't think I love you?" Her voice was incredulous now. "I can't believe you Jesse. I've done everything that I possibly can for you, and you still don't believe that I love you?"

Jesse frowned, pushing her away a little bit. "Well damn Rach, tell me how I'm supposed to believe it when even our talks about our relationship end up being about Puckerman?"

"It's not about Noah Jesse; it's about something that he said that got me thinking!"

"And that not about him?"

"NO!"

Jesse rubbed his hands over his face tiredly. "I'm going to go get dressed. I suggest you do the same Rachel. If we're gonna have this talk, I'm not having it while you're so distracting."

Rachel leaned her head against the back of the sofa, and remembered Jesse in a similar position last night. She sighed heavily. "Why can't things always be as simple as they were last night?" She asked softly, digging her toes into the carpet.

"I don't know Rach, I really don't." Jesse hesitantly moved closer and placed a hand on her bare thigh. "I do know that I love you, and I know that you love me too baby, I really do. I may forget sometimes, but then you do something so _you_ and I remember."

Rachel smiled softly, covering his hand with her own. "Good. I would hate to have to talk about that as well." She turned towards him, crossing her legs on the couch. "Can we just talk now? I'm too comfortable to want to move," she admitted, laughing softly, her smile brightening when his laughter joined with hers.

"Alright Rach, let's talk this out here and now."

Rachel took a deep breath and began. "You hurt me the other day Jesse." She saw him about ready to protest and held up a hand to forestall the words about to spill from his lips. "I know you didn't mean to, and I know that I was provoking you a bit that day too, but that's not acceptable. I also know that you told me that you'd never do it again, and I know that you've never actually raised a hand against me, and God willing you'll never feel the urge to," she added.

"But you hurt me, and not just physically. When I see you angry, my stomach revolts. I end up wanting to apologize to you, and I don't even know what I did, or if you're even angry at me." She looked at him earnestly, trying to see through his blank façade. "That's not okay Jesse, and we both know it."

"There's also the issue that I really don't know what I would do without you. It sounds all romantic and sweet, but it's not Jesse, it's really not. It terrifies me, because if you find someone who you like more, if you do something unforgivable, what would I do then?" She shuddered a little bit. "Just thinking about it makes me about ready to hyperventilate Jesse. And yeah, that's _not okay._"

Jesse took a deep breath to sooth his anger. "I get what you're saying Rach, I really do, but you have no idea how utterly infuriating it is that you've been feeling like this and not telling me. I'm supposed to take care of you, but how can I do that if you never tell me when something's wrong?"

"Yeah, I know I hurt you baby, and I'll probably spend the rest of our lives making it up to you, but you have to believe in me, and believe that I'll never resort to such measures ever again. As for actually raising a hand against you…to be perfectly honest, the idea has never even occurred to me before you mentioned it. I wasn't raised to hurt a woman, I was raised with the ideals that women are sacred and fragile and you have to protect and take care of them, and I thought that you'd be okay with that."

"You're not supposed to know what to do without me baby, because you're never _gonna_ be without me. I love you too much to ever leave you, and I would never do anything unforgivable, you've gotta know that. I'd never cheat on you, and not even my gaze has strayed from you Rach." His fists clenched. "But people have said that your gaze has been straying, and not only to Puckerman."

Rachel interrupted him there. "I love you Jesse, and only you. And you've got to trust me Jesse, we've got to trust each other, because some girls have said that you've propositioned them, and I didn't believe them, and Noah's said that you've been shopping around, so to speak, and I didn't believe him either…so you shouldn't believe those guys who're talking about me either."

She gave him a small, grim smile. "Maybe you should think about how they would see if I was looking around unless they were watching me."

"Then maybe you should trust me Rach, and trust that I know what I'm talking about when I say that Puckerman wants you as more than a friend."

Jesse swallowed heavily. "If you wanna leave me, I won't stop you Rach. I love you, and that means that I want you to be happy, and if you're not I don't _want_ you to stay. I don't want you to be forced into being with me because you're scared of me Rach, that's not the kind of guy that I am."

Rachel's lips trembled as she stared at him, and Jesse despaired. This was it. She was going to leave him, and he was going to be left without her. She was going to go to Puckerman, and leave him in the dust, all because he couldn't stand to see her unhappy.

She flung herself into his lap and he gaped at her. Rachel giggled softly. "You don't wear the stupid look nearly as well as Finn did," she pointed out, and he hugged her to him tightly.

"I was so scared that you were going to take me up on it and leave," he whispered, and Rachel shook her head.

"I could never leave you Jesse. I love you too much."

He grinned at her repetition of his words. "I'm glad, because I would die if you left."

"I'm glad we won't have to worry about it," she murmured.

He hugged her to him a little bit tighter. He was glad too, because he was being perfectly honest. He would have died without her there to make his day brighter. "We're two very passionate, dramatic people Rach, it's pretty much inevitable that we fight, and fight viciously. But as long as we don't cross the boundary between fighting and being abusive, we'll be fine."

He tilted her head up gently. "But never shove me again Rachel. The only reason I didn't shove you back was because I saw your face. But if it happens again I won't be responsible for my reaction."

Rachel nodded slowly. "I think that we need to make some rules for when we fight, otherwise we'll just find different ways to hurt each other."

"That might be a good idea," Jesse admitted.

"So…first off, you have a habit of crowding into my space. It makes me uncomfortable and, honestly, it kind of scares me, which is what led to me shoving you earlier, so maybe if you didn't do that anymore?"

Jesse nodded, gently nudging her off of his lap. "That makes sense. So no crowding your space when we're arguing. If you could avoid mentioning Puckerman, things would probably go a lot more smoothly, at least during arguments. I know I said I'd lay off of him, and I'm trying, but when we're arguing my verbal filter goes out the window."

Rachel nodded back. "That makes sense as well, but that goes for you as well. Obviously a rule will have to be that we can't touch each other when we're angry at each other. That will just never turn out okay." Her lips twitched. "Angry sex really doesn't do it for me," she added.

"Agreed. Maybe we should pick a designated place for each other in the apartment that we can go to so we can cool down, without the other thinking we're leaving?"

Rachel smiled brightly. "That's actually a really good idea. It'd probably be easier if I had the kitchen, you take the living room, and that leaves the bedroom and bathroom free if we need something."

"Maybe…" Jesse trailed off nervously, and Rachel smiled encouragingly.

"Go ahead, I promise I won't say anything until I've thought it through fully."

"Maybe we should have safe words, so the other knows when the argument's getting too heated for the other one to handle without breaking one of the rules."

Rachel grinned. "That's brilliant Jesse! I wouldn't have ever thought about that!" She leaned forward and kissed him, intending for it to be a quick peck, but Jesse quickly deepened in, pulling her back onto his lap, and she whimpered as his hands drifted to the bottom of the shirt she was wearing, beginning to tug up until a cough interrupted them.

They both groaned, knowing that only one person would be in their apartment without knocking.

"Noah, I've told you time and time again that you have to knock. It's beyond rude to just walk in," Rachel ranted, causing Jesse to look at her in surprise. He had assumed that she'd told Puckerman to just walk in….if she hadn't; he had something to think about.

"Well so-rry," Puck drawled, sneering as he leaned against the doorway. "I see you've decided to stick with it."

Jesse tensed up but didn't say anything, preferring to let Rachel deal with Puck. If he did anything it would end up physical, and Rachel didn't approve of violence.

"I can't believe you Noah. What I decide to do in my relationship is my business!"

Puck scowled briefly before smoothing his face. "You're right Rach, I'm sorry. Sorry St. James," he added with a small nod towards Jesse, and Jesse just nodded back, knowing that anything less would make Rachel angry, but he couldn't bring himself to do anything more.

True to form, Rachel smiled at him brightly, nodding at the both of them. "See, I knew you two could get along!"

Jesse just sighed and smiled, resigned by now to her optimistic attitude.

She bounced up and smiled at the both of them. "I'm gonna go get dressed," she told Jesse softly, giving him an apologetic kiss.

"Oh, don't get dressed on my account," Puck leered, causing Jesse to tense up again, and causing Rachel's smile to fade quickly.

"Noah, that was entirely inappropriate," she informed him flatly, and he rolled his eyes.

"Apparently everything's inappropriate now that we're in college," he scoffed, and she shrugged.

"I guess I've just begun to see how much you act like my boyfriend, and it's really _not_ appropriate when I've already got an amazing guy. Now I'm going to get dressed. Try to not argue."

She flounced off to the bedroom, and Jesse fought down a snarl when he saw Puck staring at her ass. "Keep your eyes to yourself Puckerman," he hissed, and Puck laughed harshly.

"Who's gonna stop me from lookin'? You? Please, you can't even keep her from being all over me, how're you gonna stop me from lookin' at her?" Puck's arms were crossed over his chest, a smug smirk curving his lips.

"Fuck you Puckerman," Jesse snapped, and Puck's smirk grew, as did the sinking feeling in Jesse's stomach.

"Oh no St. James, you fuck Rachel….but then again, so do I, so maybe it counts…"

Jesse couldn't breath, couldn't take his gaze away from Puck, and couldn't answer Rachel when she demanded to know what was wrong when she came out of the bedroom.

"Nothing's wrong babe," Puck drawled, his panic hidden behind his smirk, and Rachel glared.

"First off, don't call me babe, and secondly, I heard you talking as I was coming out. What'd you say Noah?"

Puck huffed. "He said 'Fuck you Puckerman,' so I said, 'No, you fuck Rachel, but so do I so it might count."

Rachel froze, her stomach curling in horror. "How could you Noah?" She breathed out, dropping to her knees beside Jesse, who was now clenching his fists tightly. "How could you say something that like, something so baseless, especially when I've told you the problems we've been having?"

He started to say something but Rachel held up a hand, her anger clear in her eyes. "You betrayed my trust Noah. You swore you'd never use what I told you against him…you lied. I think you should leave now," she finished, slipping in front of Jesse, and tilting his head so his eyes caught hers.

"It wasn't true Jesse, you know that. We just talked about this, how we need to trust each other more, so trust me when I tell you that Noah was just trying to get under your skin. He's never touched me like that, not even when we dated in High School. Jesse, please."

He nodded slowly, doubt still in his eyes, but she could work with that, as long as he was responding to her. He looked behind her and anger ignited in his beautiful blue eyes. She glanced back as well and frowned. "Why are you still here Noah? I told you to leave."

The mohawked man stood up quickly and nearly ran out, stopping just mutter, "I'll call you later Rach."

"I'm so sorry about him Jesse." Rachel bit her lip, looking up at him through her eyelashes. "You have to believe me, we've never done anything. I've never had sex with him, and I can't believe he'd lie about something like that…" She trailed off, looking hurt and confused, and that, more than anything convinced him.

"I believe you Rach," he whispered, pulling her up so she could sit on the coffee table in front of him. He hesitated before plunging on. "Could you not talk to him when he calls later though? Just to make me feel a little bit better?"

Rachel laughed softly and nodded her relief obvious on her face. "I wasn't planning on talking to him anyway. If I did, I would probably end up saying something that I would regret later. He really is a good friend to me Jesse; I don't know why he's acting this way…"

"I've already told you Rach, he wants you." Jesse dropped his mouth down by her ear, his hand dipping down her back and curving around to her front. "He wants to be the one to kiss you, to love you, to _touch _you…" He dropped open mouthed kisses on her neck and she tilted her head back, breathing heavily.

The phone rang, and they both grimaced when they checked the caller ID. There was no way they couldn't take a call from their nosy, if well meaning, friends. They would just end up coming over, and then they'd never get any private time. Jesse stood up and moved to the phone as Rachel went to the bedroom to finish changing.

When she was done she stood behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist tightly. "I love you," she murmured into his ear, nuzzling the shell of his ear gently.

He gave her a playful swat as he turned around, covering the mouthpiece briefly to give her a kiss and a soft, "I love you too baby."

Rachel stood back and watched him for a moment before smiling and motioning to the door. He shrugged and shooed her, so she grabbed her shoes and left after she pulled them on.

Her smile faded as quickly as she had put it on once she shut the door behind her. She had to talk to Puck, and they had to talk now.


	6. Chapter 6

_**A/N: I know, it's been forever, right? I'm so sorry! School decided to eat my life, and then add up some family emergencies and my internet getting shut off, along with a major plot bunny for Buffy, and you have my excuses. Speaking of Buffy, it'll be a Supernatural/Buffy crossover, with a female Xander being the twin of Sam, and it'll focus a lot on Xander and Jesse, with Jesse not dying...at first, anyway. It'll go up to the end of Buffy and at least Lucifer's rising in Supernatural, maybe farther, and like I said, less with the events of Buffy and Supernatural, and more on the events that would effect a Xander and Jesse who just don't care. Tell me if you think it sound interesting, por favor!**_

Jesse's smile faded as well as he hung up the phone, his ear still ringing from the dial tone. It had just been a friend of his checking up on him, so the call hadn't really lasted that long. But now he needed that GPS chip, just to see if she was going to Puckerman's apartment. If she was, he would end it. It was as simple as that. He couldn't have a girl that he didn't trust.

He typed in the information on the computer, and watched as her little dot moved steadily towards where he knew Puckerman's apartment was, and he watched as she suddenly veered away. He tried to relax, knowing now that she wasn't going to meet him…unless she was going to meet him somewhere just in case he was suspicious? Rachel was definitely smart enough to realize that Jesse wouldn't just take her word for it…

Jesse swore, knowing that he wouldn't be content now until he knew why she had so suddenly changed direction. He pulled on his shoes and left, barely taking the time to lock the door behind himself.

Rachel bit her lip as she walked, moving quickly towards Noah's apartment, her steps slowing with every foot walked, until she finally stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. What was she doing? She had promised Jesse that she wouldn't talk to Noah, and here she was, going to see him right after he had completely ruined any progress she may have made with Jesse in only a few sentences.

That was completely unacceptable, and she had made that very clear. She had told him about the problems they were having, and he had used her trust in him to hurt Jesse, and he had completely ignored her directive to either knock or call before coming into their apartment.

She took a deep breath and turned into a little café that she and Jesse had frequented before he and Noah had started getting into arguments. It was time that she made her choice, and her choice wasn't going to be Noah. She loved Jesse far too much to let him get in between them.

The tiny brunette had lost track of time, so when she glanced up when she heard a girl near her whistle, she blinked in surprise when she saw Jesse, before glancing at the clock and wincing. "Sorry," she said softly, moving her now cold Chai latte so she could stand up and give him a quick hug. "I didn't realize I had been here for that long…"

Jesse looked at her impassively for a moment before nodding. "I got worried," he admitted quietly. "You were taking a pretty long time…" He trailed off, because he had been out in his Range Rover for over an hour, and all she had been doing was staring into her cup. His suspicion had been over nothing, and now he felt both silly and guilty for not trusting his girl.

"And you figured I went to Noah's." Jesse nodded, looking sheepish, and Rachel smiled easily. "To be honest, the idea didn't even occur to me," she lied calmly. "I remembered that this café had the best lattes, so I decided to grab one and think."

Jesse looked concerned. "About what babe? I'm sorry I freaked earlier, but what he said…" His hands clenched in remembered anger, although he tried to make sure it didn't reach his face.

Rachel sighed heavily, rubbing the bridge of her nose tiredly. "It was direct confirmation of everything that you had previously thought. I get that, trust me." She smiled, a little bit bitterly. "Do you remember Amy?" She fought down her automatic grimace at the name.

He thought for a moment. "I believe so…tall blonde, all boobs and legs?" Of course he remembered her. She was the only female he had met in college who had ever tempted Jesse to cheat on Rachel. He had managed to avoid temptation, but it had been a close thing, and it was something that he still didn't like to think about.

"Mhm." She fought down a choked laugh. "Do you realize how jealous I was of her?" Jesse looked stunned. "Yup. Of course, at the time I had no clue that you were mentoring her, but it's the same general concept. Actually…" She gave him a very pointed look. "It's very nearly the _exact_ same concept, understand?"

Jesse gaped in shock. "You're kidding me, right? You're helping Puckerman with his singing?" He fought down the urge to gag. Puckerman was good, of course, but he wasn't good enough to be on Broadway, so why did he want to get lessons from _Rachel _of all people?

She sighed and nodded. "Yeah, and he considers it seriously gay to still be doing it in college, so he didn't want me to tell anyone. But it's causing problems, and he's perpetuating them, so I figure that I'm perfectly within my rights to tell you, at least. After all, you won't let anyone, even Noah; know that you know, right?"

She looked so hopeful that all he could do was nod and smile. "I'm really relieved that you told me Rach. I've been trying my best, but you've been so secretive…" Everything made sense now, and it made him feel even more ridiculous. He had been jealous over her doing something that he had done a thousand and one times before without a thought from either of them.

Rachel gently grabbed his hand. "I know, but for a while there it was necessary…I wasn't sure how you'd react, and since he didn't want me telling you even when you were friendly…"

Jesse choked. "It's been going on that long?"

She gave him a sharp glare. "Way to make it sound like I'm cheating on you Jesse, but yes, I've been helping him for quite some time. He's sounding quite a bit better as well. He wants to try out for a band." Her wrinkled nose showed how much she thought of that. "That's why I've been cutting down on the time I've been spending with him…I feel like he's using me, honestly."

Jesse hadn't been the most devious person in Vocal Adrenaline for nothing, and there was a reason none of them bothered either of them anymore. "That's been half of my problem with him Rach, and the fact that I thought you didn't see it just made me even angrier." He hugged her from across the table. "I'm glad you didn't visit Puckerman," he whispered into her ear. "I would have ended up doing something drastic."

Of course, he had no problem using the present circumstances to drive a wedge between the two of them. After all, Rachel was a very forgiving person, and he had no doubt that she would eventually forgive Puckerman. Once that happened, he needed to make sure that she would still be wary of him for a very long time.

Rachel nodded, her eyes slightly downcast. "I suppose it would be a lie to say that I don't want to give him a piece of my mind, but I know that you don't want me alone with him." She frowned slightly, pulling her hand from his to cross her arms in an unconsciously defensive position. "To be perfectly honest, I'm not sure that I want him near me at all, and that's not even considering him being alone with me."

And that, more than anything, told her how uncomfortable she had become with the boy who had once been her best friend. Once upon a time, she had never had a problem being alone with him, no matter how bad of an argument they'd had.

Jesse kissed her gently, keeping it short only by sheer force of will. "Don't worry baby, I won't let him get near you." He put a finger to her lips when she started to protest. "Let me protect you, at least from him. Please." She sighed and nodded reluctantly, pouting slightly. "Thank you." He smiled faintly. "It'll make me feel better, at the very least."

And it would, because then he could monitor the conversations that he let them have, and Puckerman would finally know that it was _Jesse_, not Puck, who had Rachel's trust and love, and with any luck, he would finally give up, and either become their friend again or bow out entirely. Either situation would be perfectly fine with Jesse, although it would be a lie to deny that he would prefer the second one.

She rubbed the bridge of her nose. "I'll have to talk with him eventually, but only when we're both ready for it, alright?" Rachel just couldn't deal with the two of them together now, especially since she knew how Jesse would react if she asked to be able to talk to him.

He nodded his acceptance. "I understand perfectly, don't worry. Just…not right away, okay?" Jesse would rather not have to restrain his temper so early on, just when he's finally getting her to see things from his point of view.

Rachel laughed softly. "Jesse, I said only when we're _both_ ready. And Moses knows that I'm nowhere near ready to even see him, let alone speak with him yet."

Jesse smirked slightly. "That's a pretty good thing, considering how much I feel like using him as a punching bag right now."

Rachel's smile stiffened slightly, but he noticed immediately and frowned irritably. "Babe, it hasn't happened again, and I promised you it wouldn't. Would you stop now?" Jesse knew that it was a traumatic experience for her, but his never broke his word unless someone pushed him to it, and he had faith in both of them that that wouldn't happen in this case.

She clenched her teeth tightly. "Jesse, I'm trying, I really am." She changed the subject quickly, trying to avoid making him angry again. "We never did get to finish our discussion. You want to head home and finish it now?" Rachel didn't bother waiting for his response, quickly getting up to toss away the remnants of her latte before heading out the front door.

Jesse snorted and followed her quickly, grabbing her upper arm to guide her to his Range Rover, only to drop it with a flinch when she hissed, although she resisted the urge to pull away. "Shit Rach, I didn't grab it that hard…" At least, he didn't think he had…he almost threw up at the thought that he might have hurt her again without meaning to.

Rachel grimaced and rubbed her bruise over her shirt. "I know Jesse, but it's gotten worse." She saw his horrified look and rushed to assure him, "Don't worry, that always happens with bruises. Trust me, I'd know," she deadpanned before winding her fingers into his and tugging him towards the car.

He waited until they were in the car and well on their way back to the apartment before asking, "Who gave you bruises like that?" It sounded like a perfectly innocent question, but his hands were clenched tightly around the steering wheel, his jaw clenched as well.

"I don't see how it matters," Rachel frowned, turning her body so she was half way facing him, still restricted by her seatbelt. "It was a long time ago Jesse, back in high school."

Jesse scoffed angrily. "You don't see how it matters? That's such bull Rach, you know why it matters. You never told me that they'd actually bruised you. You never told me that they actually caused you physical injury."

She shrugged. "I didn't think that it mattered Jesse. I was shoulder checked into lockers about as much as Kurt was before Karofsky became all freaky and stalkerish. Why are you so angry about this anyway? You knew that I never told you everything about high school, the same that you never told me everything."

He glared at her briefly before returning his eyes to the road. "Rach, that's completely different. No one bullied me in high school, no one hurt me. No one dared." Jesse glanced at her, briefly debating asking her if Puckerman was one of those who had bruised her, but decided against it. He didn't feel like getting into it over him, especially not when he had just won a major victory and she wasn't even talking to the mohawked man.

"Baby, it just makes me angry that someone actually dared to try and hurt you. The fact that they were jealous enough of you to do that makes me sick, that's all."

Rachel softened, reaching over to give him a quick squeeze. "I get that, but it's in the past, and it was all of those Neanderthals anyway, so they'll end up working for Kurt and me one day anyway." She grinned wickedly, and he couldn't help but return it, despite his misgivings.

He parked quickly and herded her up to the apartment, only to freeze at the sight of the computers screen saver. He swallowed nervously when she looked over at it in shock. "I didn't think I was gone that long…" She started over towards it and he panicked silently.

"Here, I got the computer, I need to save my paper anyway," Jesse lied smoothly. "You go take a hot bath, alright? I bought those lavender bubbles that you like so much so you can relax after all of this shit with Puckerman."

Rachel smiled thankfully. "I think I'll go do that." She wandered over to place a quick kiss on his cheek. "Thanks Jesse, you've been so good to me lately I can't even believe it. Oh!" She blinked in surprise. "We'll finish our conversation after I get out of the bath, okay? I'm sorry, I keep forgetting about it."

Jesse shrugged, easily hiding his relief behind an admirable show face. "It's no problem babe, just go relax, and I'll make us some…" He glanced at the clock before tossing her a wry smile. "I'll go make us some dinner."

She giggled softly. "That sounds wonderful. I'll try to hurry," she promised, and he chuckled deeply.

"Don't worry about it Rach, take your time." He watched her go into their bedroom to get her towel and robe with a small smirk. "Please, take your time."


	7. Chapter 7

_**A/N: Ya'll should be extremely grateful for Christmas Break, or Winter Break, whatever floats your boat, because that's the only reason you're getting two updates so close…basically, life has decided to stop eating me for a while, and this is my gift to all of you for that boon. Enjoy, and Merry late non-denominational holiday! Haha!**_

Rachel sighed as she sank lower into the bath, the luxurious bubbles doing quite a bit to sooth her frayed nerves. She didn't know what was on that computer, and to be perfectly honest, she didn't want to. She would either feel stupid if it was honestly a paper, or she would get pissed because it was something that she wouldn't like. Either way, she wanted no part of it.

Except she totally did, and that was the whole problem. Rachel wanted to know if he was lying to her. She had a horror story running in her head of him sending flirty emails to some tall, busty blonde that she couldn't hold a candle to, and she couldn't stand feeling inferior. Especially to what was, at the moment, a figment of her imagination.

She reluctantly stood, shuddering slightly as the bubbles slid off of her skin and the cool air chilled her. She grabbed her towel quickly, wrapping it around herself and carefully applying her acne medicine and lotion. Rachel had no intention of having a zit pop out on a day that she could be getting her big break. Admittedly, it was doubtful that she would before she was out of college, but she had been in a few minor plays, and the directors would keep her in mind.

The brunette glanced at the door reluctantly, propping a hip on the sink. As firmly as she had insisted on her and Jesse finishing their talk, she honestly didn't want to. Bringing it up again after seeing how angry he had gotten made her feel slightly sick to her stomach, but he had seemed willing, so she was willing to try, at least.

Rachel knew how temperamental Jesse could be. After all, his temper was eerily reminiscent of her own, so most of the time, she could handle it. And now that Noah's secret was out in the open, she was positive that she could quickly and easily defuse Jesse before it became a problem for either of them.

She took a deep breath before dressing quickly, wrapping her robe around herself and the towel around her hair. She looked at herself sternly in the mirror after wiping away the condensation. "You are Rachel Berry," she murmured firmly. "You will not be afraid of your boyfriend. You will talk, and everything will be fine."

Rachel nodded to herself and walked out to the kitchen/dining room area, smiling softly at the strangely domestic scene. "Everything smells amazing," she said softly, taking a deep breath and humming her appreciation. She couldn't cook at all, so every time Jesse did it just felt so romantic and sweet that she couldn't help but fall in love with him a little bit more.

Jesse turned and grinned at her. "I'm glad you think so," he replied, stepping away from the stove for a moment to brush a strand of hair that had escaped the towel away from her face. "You always look so beautiful, even right out of the bath," he breathed, leaning down to steal a kiss.

She responded willingly, halfway wrapping an arm around his shoulders before letting it slide off when he broke the kiss. "I'm glad you think so," she laughed teasingly, grinning at him brightly when he chuckled along with her. Maybe the conversation wouldn't be as bad as she had feared. After all, Jesse was reasonable; he would understand why they just needed to finish up the discussion.

Rachel was perfectly relaxed now, and Jesse returned to cooking, placing the vegetable stir-fry on her plate and the chicken breast on his, some simple white rice the only side. She smiled at him appreciatively before digging in with him. They chatted about meaningless things over dinner, both of them perfectly content to forget about the upcoming conversation for a while.

Dinner can only last for so long, however, and after Rachel had quickly washed the dishes, they settled on the couch facing each other by mutual silent agreement. She mentally prepared herself, firmly worming herself into a comfortable position. She did not want to have to shift if this turned even the slightest bit ugly. Just as Rachel did, Jesse always sensed weakness and stabbed at it while arguing. It was why their arguments turned so nasty sometimes.

They were silent for a long moment before Jesse finally sighed and spoke. "You wanted to finish this up Rach, so go for it." He wasn't quite sure what needed to be finished up, but humoring his girl was for the best at the moment, at least until he figured out what she wanted.

"We were at the safe words," she pointed out softly, laughing at Jesse's surprised face. "I was being serious when I said that I thought it was a good idea Jess. I think it'll keep up from going to far with each other." She paused for a moment before adding, "To be perfectly honest, it'll keep us from fucking this entire agreement up, you know?"

That right there was a perfect example of how she had been spending way too much time with Puckerman, Jesse thought sourly, before brightening. But at least now she was listening to what he had been telling her for ages and had tossed the irritating man to the side. At least for a little while.

Jesse settled down to think about it for a moment before nodding slowly. It made sense, really. Of course, it would since he came up with it. "My safe word could be…" He struggled for a moment before snorting in irritation, throwing himself back. "This shit's stupid Rach, let's just forget about it," he grumbled. He couldn't think of a word that wouldn't make him seem like a complete dumbass saying it.

"No, no," she soothed gently. "It's a really good idea, but maybe it could just be a simple phrase for us, like 'Just leave it' or something, you know? It just has to be something that's not stupid, and can be used in public without either of us feeling like complete morons." Rachel bit her lip nervously, looking up at Jesse through her eyelashes for approval, which he gave with a slow nod.

"That's actually a pretty good idea babe." He brought her in for a quick hug, smiling slightly into her hair. Right now, everything was working out to his advantage. She wasn't making any huge demands, and so far he hadn't had to make any concessions. "Anything else?" Jesse inquired as he pulled back, making sure that he looked honestly interested.

Rachel bit her lip harder, drawing blood without meaning to. She licked the blood away before finally shaking her head. "No, I think that's it," she muttered. Jesse watched the movement of her tongue, biting his own lip gently as he fought down his arousal.

Jesse made sure to give her a concerned look, shifting all of his attention to her and ignoring his blossoming erection for the moment. "Are you sure? I promise I won't get irritated or anything." He paused. "At least, not until you've explained yourself," he teased gently, and she laughed softly, relaxing gently.

"I was just thinking that maybe we should do something like this more often, just sit down and talk about what's bothering us in general. Maybe it's not about me, but about something stupid that someone did that you think might be transferring itself over into our home life, you know?" She had hurried to explain at his arched eyebrow, well aware of how much he hated conversations like the one they were having now.

He grimaced but nodded reluctantly. "It might be a good idea, but unless it's something that needs to be resolved right away, I'll be the one to initiate these little sessions, okay?" Rachel looked a little bit mutinous, so he explained calmly. "I hate talking like this, and I won't pay any attention if I'm forced into it on a regular basis babe, you know that."

She sighed. "Yeah, I know," she grumbled irritably. "That's fine, I guess. But maybe we could have a mandatory session at least once a month?" She looked at him hopefully.

Jesse huffed. "Babe, you know I can't say no to you when you look at me like that. A necessary once a month session is fine by me." After all, it would be on his terms. "But alternately,_ you_ can only initiate one session too. You know how hysterical you get about the smallest things, and it would have the same effect as if I were forced to do this every day."

Rachel nodded shortly, before remarking quietly, "I'm thinking about saving up for a car. What do you think?"

Jesse froze, a faint tendril of terror curling through him before he ruthlessly crushed it down. "I don't know baby, I would need to know your reasoning first," he murmured carefully. After all, he couldn't let her know immediately that he hated the idea. He had to at least pretend to consider it.

She smiled slightly. "I'm really happy that you're willing to think about it Jesse. I think it could really help us out, because then you wouldn't have to take time out of your schedule to come get me when you're busy, and I wouldn't have to make sure you're not doing anything when I want to go somewhere a little farther away than I want to walk."

He nodded, making sure that he looked very thoughtful. "All very true, but we also have to think about gas and insurance concerns, not to mention that when we go to New York it would be impractical to have two cars to pay the parking taxes on," he pointed out.

Rachel's face fell. "You're right," she sighed heavily. "I didn't think about all of that…" She didn't want to admit that she hadn't prepared for the argument thoroughly, but it had been a spur of the moment comment anyway. "It's not that important anyway, just something I've been thinking over." She shrugged mildly. Like she had said, it wasn't that important. One car was plenty for them.

Jesse kissed her gently on the cheek. "I figured you hadn't baby, and that's fine. I _want_ you to feel comfortable coming to me with things that you've been thinking about." After all, how else would he know when she was having increasingly dangerous ideas? If she had decided to go out and get her own car, it would have been disastrous. He wouldn't have had any clue where she was! And if she were with Puckerman…It could have only been bad news for her to have her own transportation.

Still…She looked so sad, just sitting there silently. "Maybe…" He hesitated, although it was just for show, before plowing on. "Maybe we could set up some sort of schedule for the car, so we can both go places separately? I mean, I would obviously need to know where you were going so I could know whether to worry or not if there was an accident on the news, but it would give you the freedom your own car would mostly, wouldn't it?"

His hesitation wasn't entirely for show, however. He really wasn't sure that he wanted her to have such complete freedom of movement, but if it kept her happy then he needed to do it. After all, it wasn't like he wanted her unhappy. He just wanted her completely safe and to know where she was so he knew she wasn't cheating on him. It really wasn't too much to ask in his opinion, especially considering everything he did for her.

He affixed a hopeful look to his face, although the honest delight on hers made him feel a faint twinge in his chest. "Jesse, that would be amazing, thank you!" Rachel quite promptly attacked him with a hug, which he accepted with a laugh, carefully switching positions so he was laying down, his head on the armrest as she lay on top of him.

They both chatted some more, tossing out a few more ideas that were either elaborated on or dismissed entirely. Jesse even purposefully threw out a slightly silly idea that Rachel could dismiss, just to make her feel better. After a while though, they stayed silent, with Rachel squirming. "Hey," he teased softly. "Better not do that baby; you might not get the reaction you're expecting…" She still squirmed, and he smirked. "I warned you."

Jesse poked at her sides playfully, making her squeak and giggle, squirming around even more now. He groaned, holding her hips hostage as he hardened quickly. "Bad idea," he muttered as he lifted his head to kiss her firmly, nipping at her lips eagerly. Rachel moaned into his mouth, running her hands over his chest firmly. His hands were slipping under the robe, towards her ass when a loud groan interrupted them.

Rachel's jaw clenched in a gesture more reminiscent of Jesse than herself, and she lifted herself off of him just far enough to glare at Puck. "Hey, don't glare at me Berry; if you would keep it in the bedroom we wouldn't be having this problem." Jesse arched an eyebrow at Rachel, and she rolled her eyes back, giving him an irritated look. She _knew_ that she had allowed this sort of behavior before, thank you! At least she was trying to fix it now.

"No," she deadpanned, "We wouldn't be having this problem if you would knock or call before you would come over, like I've told you a thousand times already!" Rachel ended on a shout, before taking a deep breath to calm herself. "Noah, after what happened earlier, did you really think that you would be welcome in our apartment any longer?"

Puck looked stunned. "But…you've always forgiven me before." It was a weak defense, as far as defenses go, and Rachel just shook her head in disappointment and annoyance. He had just given credit to everything that Jesse had said about him using her, and that hurt more than the fact that he had used what she had told him in confidence against Jesse. Well, almost.

"You know, if you had bothered to apologize, or even look the least little bit sorry, I would have forgiven you," she commented sadly, and Jesse gently rubbed the stretch of skin just above her shorts under her robe comfortingly, careful to keep his face sympathetic and sad, and completely clear of the smug satisfaction that he was feeling.

Jesse could see Puckerman looking at him, prying deep for a crack in his show face to point out to Rachel, but Jesse was the superior showman, and Puck found nothing. "For what it's worth Berry, I really am sorry." He sounded so sad and defeated that even Jesse felt a little sorry for him.

Rachel sighed, softening just a little. "It's actually worth a lot Noah, but if you could stay away for awhile, that would help a lot more. I know that you didn't think much of it, but you broke my trust terribly, and I need time to get over that."

Puck nodded, walking over to give her a gentle kiss on the cheek, looking into her eyes and apologizing again before leaving. However, before he left he glanced back, catching Jesse's eyes and flashing him a smirk before slamming the door behind him.

Jesse tensed. The implication had been obvious. The competition for Rachel's heart wasn't over, not by a long shot. But what Puckerman forgot was that Jesse had clear access to Rachel until she decided to forgive Puckerman completely, and the longer as Jesse could perpetuate her anger towards him, the less likely it was that Puckerman would win.

He hugged the sad Rachel closer to him, stroking his thumb over her cheekbone. "He's a douche Rach. I don't like to say it because I know how much you care about him, but he's playing you, and he's a master at it. He's better at playing you than I could ever dream to be," he lied blatantly.

Rachel just burrowed into him. "He is…was…my best friend Jesse. The fact that I can't tell if he's playing me or not makes me want to cry…" A few tears slipped out and Jesse smiled in satisfaction. She hated crying, and held a serious grudge against people who made her cry. He'd had some serious issues getting over her grudge with him after his San Diego trip after her Run Joey Run video.

He grimaced faintly, although it was hidden from Rachel. He still hated thinking about that stupid video. It may have been a mistake on her part, but it had shown him that given half a chance she would play him without a thought. His grip on her tightened slightly.

"I'm sorry the mood got ruined," Rachel muttered when she lifted her head, her eyes slightly red.

Jesse smirked faintly, sitting up carefully and maneuvering Rachel around so she was sitting on his lap. "Who said the mood was ruined? I'm still game if you are," he murmured into her ear seductively. She shuddered, desire beginning to burn through her slowly again.

He carefully stripped her of the robe, eyeing her short shorts and wife beater appreciatively. Wife beaters were made so much sexier by a lack of a bra. Jesse stroked the inside of her thigh, coming dangerously close to her center before abruptly changing direction. He skimmed up her side, circling her breast and grinning when her nipple hardened.

"Bedroom?" Rachel asked breathlessly, and he nipped at her neck, shaking his head and answering at the same time.

"Nope. If someone wants to interrupt us this time, they get to see my bare ass," he muttered, tugging the wife beater over her head. He eyed her breasts in desire before leaning down and nibbling, one hand reaching down to rub at her gently. She moaned, tilting her head back and shifting her hips gently.

He chuckled, his voice dropping an octave into his achingly familiar bedroom voice, crushed velvet covering steel. "You like that baby?" He teased gently before nipping sharply, making her gasp and tense slightly until he soothed the sore spot with his tongue.

Rachel knew that he was going to try and make her beg again, but she had gotten enough of that the night before, and she knew how to drive him wild just as much as he knew how to do the same to her. She reached down and massaged him, leaning in to suck at his neck, determined to leave a visible mark.

Jesse groaned, quickly pushing her so she was lying on the couch. He pulled down her shorts and panties together, and as much as he wanted to just push inside of her, he couldn't resist the urge to taste her.

He knelt at the edge of the couch, firmly spreading her legs with his hands before dipping his face between her thighs. He swiped his tongue up and down her slit, pushing his tongue in and moaning at how wet she was and how good she tasted. Rachel let out her own moan at the feelings the vibration that his moan caused.

He firmly nipped at her clit, determined to make her come before he was inside of her, and by the way she was gripping his hair and writhing he knew she was close. Jesse watched her face carefully, and when she was almost there, he sharply nipped her to the point of pain, and she came abruptly.

Before Rachel could come down from her high Jesse pushed into her firmly, groaning. "You're still so tight," he breathed into her ear. If he believed nothing else, he would believe that she hadn't cheated on him, because she wouldn't be nearly this tight if she had. He glanced down and saw her closed eyes.

"That won't do," he murmured. "Open your eyes Rach." She ignored him, and he gave her a short, punishing thrust. "Now, Rachel." She did so reluctantly, and he immediately shifted his position to make her more comfortable. The couch squeaked insistently, and Jesse hoped that Puckerman had decided to stay downstairs for a little while, and he hoped that he could hear Rachel screaming in pleasure, the couch squeaking, Jesse grunting as he thrust harder.

They both came with one last sharp thrust, and it was all Jesse could do to keep from crushing her as his arms trembled. "Bed now?" Rachel asked, and he nodded, getting up. She led the way, turning to kiss him firmly before they entered the room. "I love you Jesse."

He wrapped his arms around her firmly. "I love you too Rachel. More than I think you could ever comprehend." Jesse ran his down her stomach, and then lower and Rachel moaned loudly. Jesse fumbled with the handle of their bedroom door, and they stumbled into the room, Rachel giggling loudly and Jesse chuckling as well, although their laughter quickly turned into moans.

Everything wasn't okay with them, but with Puck out of the picture, at least for a little while, everything had to become better…right?


	8. Chapter 8

_**A/N: This is purely in Puck's POV, and it's in a more 'stream of consciousness' way, which is a new way for me to attempt to write, so tell me what you think! I know it's really short as well, but there's only so much you can do with one person, you know?**_

Noah Puckerman had known Rachel Berry since their diaper days, when Hiram and Leroy insisted that she needed more Jewish influence. This was before Eli Puckerman had cut and run from his family, and they'd been a little family all their own, Rachel and Noah and Eli, with his ma working twelve plus hour shifts.

They'd played together, and Eli had watched them benevolently, happy to have a 'daughter' that he could send home when he got tired of her. But he got laid off and started drinking, and Hiram and Leroy were many things, but they were not careless with their daughters safety, so she started spending less and less time at the Puckerman home, and when Aviva got pregnant with Danielle, it had all come to a head with a three hour long screaming fight cumulating in Eli packing and leaving without a look back.

That had been the start of Puck, an angry boy who picked on the sweet, if rather obnoxiously exuberant Rachel Berry, throwing slushies in her face and laughing at her devastated look, pretending that Noah wasn't dying inside each time he did it. But then he made a mistake and slept with his best friends' girl, and got her pregnant. He joined Glee, and realized that Rachel was still the same sweet, frustrating girl that he had crushed on in their childhood.

They dated, but never really gave each other a chance, focused on other people, on Finn and Quinn and Santana and Jesse and there was just never enough time for them to figure out how to transition from their easy friendship to an honest relationship. So they gave up and allowed themselves to focus on other people and it was okay, because Puck figured that they would get their chance in college after they had all went their separate ways. After all, what high school relationship survives college?

Apparently Jesse and Rachel's, because they were still going strong. He had thought that they would take a break, try to find themselves like everyone else was doing, but they didn't. And he had lost his chance with Rachel without even realizing that it was passing by.

She had never given him an honest chance, the same as he had never given her an honest chance either. But he had wanted to give it another try in college, while they still had a chance to. But Rachel had changed things without telling him, making new rules about knocking before coming into her apartment, which had turned into _their _apartment without him even realizing it, and not flirting even playfully like he was used to.

And Jesse smirked at him when he thought Puck wasn't looking, wrapping his hands around Rachel in a possessive way that made his teeth itch, like he thought he _owned_ her or something. But no matter what he said, Rachel just brushed it off, acting like she couldn't live without Jesse, no matter how much he begged.

And now he was banished from her apartment, her presence, and her life just because he'd had a brief moment of stupidity. He hadn't meant to say that to St. James, it had just sort of popped out, like so many other, more important, things had over the years. But somehow this was so much more important? Noah Puckerman smelled a rat.

It wasn't like Rachel to freak out like that. Something else must be wrong, especially with how weird St. James had gotten. But…it wasn't possible, was it? That Jesse St. James could be stupid enough to even consider that Rachel could cheat on him. But that was the only reason his reaction would make sense. Sometimes St. James' stupidity astounded him, especially for someone who had a nearly genius IQ.

But even if St. James thought that she was cheating on him, and Rachel knew about it, her reaction still didn't make any sense. She acted like she was scared of his reaction, but the Rachel that he knew wasn't afraid of anyone unless there was an honest threat of physical violence.

No. It was simply not possible. It was fucking impossible that goody two shoes Jesse St. James would lay even a finger on the 'love of his life', as he had taken to calling Rachel. No, it was, as Rachel would say, simply preposterous. After all, Rachel was so strong all the time.

She had been the one to finally break off the weird, semi-flirting thing she and Finn had been doing whenever St. James wasn't there, and she'd been the one to stoically report him when he had hit her. Rachel had been the one who'd screamed at her biological mother, outside of Jesse's hearing range of course, that she'd ruined Jesse's life and Rachel would be _damned_ if she'd let her do it again.

Rachel was simply too strong to let St. James fuck with her like that, and besides that, he'd never seen any bruises on her besides the ones he'd spied on her hips that she'd quite happily blushed over and refused to say anything about. Not like he'd wanted her to anyways. He knew what they were from the moment that she'd blushed about them.

_But there are other forms of abuse, ones that don't leave a physical mark;_ a voice that sounded suspiciously like Aviva Puckerman's whispered. And that was true enough; he'd seen that with his father, although he hadn't realized it at the time. He fought back his disbelief and tried to think, but whenever he did all he could see was Jesse St. James' smirk and possessive hold.

But Rachel would never do anything like that, she would never allow it. She wasn't the type of girl who got off on that sort of thing either, so it didn't make any sense. She'd never been the 'blinded by love' type that he'd seen so much of here in California, and he just couldn't think. Actually, now that he thought about it, he couldn't really remember seeing her out with St. James much at all.

Puck had seen her plenty by herself, but even then she'd seemed nervous and very conscious of the time, so unlike how she'd used to just drop into helping someone, uncaring of how long it took. And now that he really thought about it, he'd seen her several times, but never for very long.

But still, she was Rachel fucking Berry! She was the most badass Gleek to ever walk the halls of McKinley, and she knew that she was way better than some douchbag who would abuse her in any way. She was way too smart to ever let that happen.

Right?


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Well, it feels like it's been forever! And it kind of has, and for that I apologize, but real life issues and family had to take priority over basically everything, including my fan fiction there for a while. But I'm back bitches! So be prepared for the epicness of St. Berry, and various one shots that I've written recently. Kind of short, but I'm trying to get back into the swing of things, because I hated the chapter that I had already written so I completely scrapped it, and then I got writers block. But I finally like it, so here it is!**

Rachel woke up in the middle of the night, a quiet awakening from a terrifying dream that left her shaking and cold, despite the warmth of Jesse pressed into her back. Even now the details of her dream were going fuzzy, helped by her sleep fuzzed mind as she tried her level best to think of absolutely nothing, but she knew very well what had triggered this dream, and she knew what it was about.

It was one that she'd had many times when she was a teenager, insecure of her place in school and in Jesse's affections. And now it was back with a vengeance, all because of that stupid computer and her slowly burgeoning suspicions.

She was running, running so fast but she couldn't catch up, she couldn't compete. And there was laughter all around as she stumbled and fell, again and again, and they were mocking her for trying so hard. Too hard. She was always always always trying to hard, she was always just _too much_ for everyone around her, and like everyone else, Jesse would eventually leave.

Who _they_ were, she had no clue, she never had even when she was a teenager, although _then_ she had suspected the Cheerios, but they mocked her and told her that she would never be good enough, that she would never amount to anything.

That of course she wasn't good enough for Jesse, and she had been stupid and naïve to ever think so, to ever have even considered that she could be.

Goddamnit! Rachel hated feeling so suspicious of him, but it brought to mind something that her daddy Hiram had once told her.

"Baby girl, if someone is accusing you of something, it's likely a guilty conscience," he'd told her, trying to comfort her after Santana had called her an 'uppity bitch who didn't care about anyone but herself'.

It hadn't helped her much then, since she hadn't been able to tell him what had been said that had upset her so badly, but it had stayed with her throughout her life.

And it had been running around in her head for ages now, ever since Jesse had started subtly accusing her of cheating on him. She had wondered if he was trying to distract her from what he was doing, if he was cheating and wanted her to be too so his conscience could be clear.

Eventually she had managed to dissuade herself of the notion, telling herself that Jesse was too good to her for her to be thinking such awful things about him. And that had worked for a while.

And then the accusations had gotten less subtle.

So now she was wondering, her incredibly quick mind putting things together that were making her very uncomfortable.

Jesse's accusations of cheating, the nasty arguments that he would start that would quickly drive her from the apartment, the way that he was oh so willing to spend all day out by himself. Put together, it made a sick feeling churn in her stomach and her jaw clench as she tried to suppress the tears that were threatening to make an appearance.

And _damn_ him for being able to make her cry!

That last straw for her had been the way that he had been so quick to usher her to her bath, so careful to not allow her to see what was on that computer.

A quick glance at Jesse's peacefully sleeping face had her slipping out of bed before she could change her mind, moving quickly and gracefully over the carpeted floor, equally as grateful that Jesse had cleaned it so she wouldn't have to worry about tripping as she was for her own natural grace that kept her from stumbling even as she silently panicked.

Rachel silently cursed the slightly squeaky hinge on the bedroom door, but an anxious glance back at Jesse had shown no difference in his face, so with a relieved breath she continued out of the bedroom on her quest to the computer.

After getting out of the bedroom it was a far quicker trip, without any worry now for waking up Jesse. She sat herself down at the computer and just stared at it for a long moment.

Did she really want to do this? Did she really want to put herself in the position of knowing that she didn't trust her boyfriend enough to leave well enough alone on their computer?

But then again, that was another point in itself. It was their computer, not his, so she shouldn't worry about being caught on it. The fact that she was worried, was in fact almost terrified about it, spoke volumes about exactly how much she had not gotten over the fact that he had physically hurt her, and that in itself made her question whether or not she was ready to do this, whether or not she was ready for another fight in which she would bear the brunt of his fury.

Still, she needed to know, for her own peace of mind. Otherwise she would always wonder, and that wasn't the way that she wanted to live, wondering whether or not Jesse was cheating on her and covering it up with his accusations towards her.

So with a deep breath Rachel turned on the computer, her hands shaking slightly from fear. But whether it was fear of getting caught, or what she might find even she didn't know. And was it just her, or was the computer awfully loud starting up tonight? It seemed to be taking forever to load up as well.

But soon enough she had put in the password and she was staring at the main screen. This was her last chance to back out of this, to just go back to bed and not worry about it. But she couldn't. She needed to know this.

"Please just be porn," she whispered to herself, cringing at the noise. But porn would be preferable to him cheating on her, even if she wasn't a fan of it herself. She wrinkled her nose at the thought, but kept that hope in her heart.

So she went online and checked the computer's history. It wasn't much, just some random sites that she had seen Jesse on before, some GPS thing and email.

No porn, thank God because that shit really was nasty, no chat rooms, nothing really.

With a small frown she logged into his email quickly, checking his sent messages. There was nothing suspicious in there, and Rachel closed her eyes in relief. Jesse had never bothered to clean the computer's history; she didn't even think that he knew how.

A quick check of his Deleted box had her smirking slightly, because there were over a thousand messages in it, but nothing from the last couple of days. So her fears were assuaged, and now she just felt ridiculous.

"I'm ridiculous," she murmured, making very sure to keep her voice near silent. She just couldn't handle the almost accusing silence around her as she buried her head in her hands. She was just glad that she had kept her suspicions to herself and not accused Jesse, because that would have been humiliating.

But suddenly she smiled, rubbing her hands over her face. "Thank you God," she breathed out. Jesse wasn't cheating on her! She fought the urge to laugh giddily, her smile growing into a silly grin. "Thank you," she repeated softly, lifting her face up.

The smile on her face froze as she met the cool, blank gaze of Jesse St. James. "Hey Rach," he deadpanned, glancing at the computer behind her. "Checking up on me?"

Rachel's breath left her in a whoosh as a cold, hard knot tightened in the pit of her stomach. The computer was still on, and Jesse's email account shone brightly from the screen behind her.

Fuck.


	10. Chapter 10

_**A/N: I know, it's been a very long time since I've written anything for Glee, but I decided that I needed to start making a good effort of completing all of my stories, especially the Glee ones since I don't even watch the show any longer. From here on out, things will be getting pretty nasty between them before they get any better though.**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee. I only own my plot for this story. **_

Rachel Berry was many things, but she wasn't a fool. In fact, she was pretty damn smart, so when she met Jesse's eyes she smiled at him easily, rejoicing silently in his slightly taken aback expression.

"Yeah, no," she scoffed, rolling her eyes. "Pretty sure I don't need to check up on you Jess. No, I gave your email to a director, but after a while I decided that I didn't exactly feel comfortable with the material in the play. Last night was the deadline day for notification if we were chosen, and luckily I wasn't."

Jesse blinked slowly at her, looking incredibly suspicious. "If you say so," he murmured.

She quirked an eyebrow. "I do say so." She turned and clicked off of his email before shutting the computer down, standing up to kiss him on the cheek. "I'm heading back to bed now."

He nodded, watching her walk down the hallway before heading into the kitchen for some water.

Rachel let out a deep, shuddering sigh. That had been too fucking close. His reaction to her being on his email hadn't exactly made her feel any better either, although she supposed the breach in privacy could explain it.

In fact, he had looked pretty damn angry before he had managed to smooth out his expression. But she was sure that he would get over it by the time that she woke up in the morning.

Still, it felt damn good to be able to say that she now had no suspicions about Jesse's fidelity. Maybe he really just hadn't liked how close she and Noah were.

She grimaced suddenly. Thinking about Noah left her with a giant ache in her chest. She couldn't believe that he would say those things to Jesse, that he would use what she had told him in confidence against him. That sort of thing wasn't something that she could forget easily.

In fact, she wasn't sure that she would ever be able to trust him the same way again.

Not the way that she could trust Jesse. He was always doing things for her, and despite the small blip in their epic romance that his jealousy had caused, she knew that she could trust him.

Smiling to herself, Rachel went to sleep truly confident in her relationship and in her life for the first time in a long while.

After Jesse got his glass of water, he walked over to the computer and turned it back on, his expression not changing a bit, hiding the turmoil he was feeling inside. Did Rachel think that he was stupid?

He knew damn well that she hadn't given anyone his email address. She was checking up on him, but for what? His suspicions came back in full force. Maybe she was checking to make sure that none of his friends had talked to him about her messing around with Puckerman.

No. No, Jesse was not going to go down that path again. It wasn't fair to him, or to Rachel for him to still be suspicious of her, even after she had explained everything to him.

But he was pretty sure that Rachel didn't have a clue how utterly furious that had made him. If she had, there wasn't a chance in hell that she would have gone so happily to sleep.

Jesse carefully checked everything, and froze when he realized that the GPS browser was still in his history. And it would look too suspicious to delete it now. Fuck. But at least she hadn't seemed to have realized what it was for. And thank God for that.

Still, he couldn't trust himself to control his temper if he went into the bedroom, and so he sat up all night waiting for Rachel to get up. Of course, by the time she stumbled into the living room he was exhausted and _still_ pissed.

"You're a fucking liar." Was the first thing to come out of his mouth, and Rachel jumped in surprise, looking at him in shock.

"Jesse?" She looked incredibly puzzled, making him choke out a laugh.

"Oh, you're good. But not good enough to fool me," he sing-songed mockingly.

"Jesse!" Rachel sounded irritated now. "Stop it!"

His glass shattering on the wall beside her made her shriek and cower away, speech leaving her as she stared at him with wide, terrified eyes.

"Would you just shut up? Jesus Christ, I can never get a fucking word in edgewise with you sometimes, and you never have anything useful to say either," he snapped, rubbing a hand over his tired eyes.

"I don't understand," she whispered, her eyes flickering from him to the water still dripping down the wall. "What's wrong?"

"What's wrong? What's wrong, love, is that you lied to me and thought that you could get away with it," Jesse hissed, standing up. "What, did you think that I wouldn't notice, that I wouldn't fucking _care _that you were lying to me? Did you think that you could get away with lying to me Rach?"

His last question was almost gentle, but the hard look in his eyes rendered her speechless yet again.

"Nothing to say? I'm surprised. Or is it that you just got so fucking used to lying to me that you can't tell me the truth anymore?" He mocked.

Rachel shook her head quietly. "No," she managed to choke out. "No, I didn't lie to you Jesse."

Before either of them could comprehend what was happening, Jesse's fist was through the wall beside her head, right where he had thrown his glass previously.

She desperately choked back another scream, stumbling away from him and his temper.

When Jesse saw that, all of his ire cooled. "Aw Rach, I'm sorry baby. I didn't mean to scare you."

"I think that's the problem," she breathed out. "You didn't mean to hurt me, and you didn't mean to scare me, but now I'm scared of what else you _might not mean_ to do."

His expression closed off. "Are you thinking about leaving me Rach?"

"No." Her answer was automatic and her heart wasn't in it, something that Jesse could tell quite clearly.

Jesse was breathing quickly now, his expression terrified. "Baby, you can't leave me. I can't live without you. What would I do without you?" He started crying. "I'm so fucking sorry baby. So fucking sorry."

Rachel's heart melted, and she cautiously shuffled towards him, taking him into her arms gently. "I love you Jesse." She whispered to him. "Please stop doing this."

"I will," he vowed, nearly crushing her to his chest. "It'll never happen again Rach, I swear it. I love you too much to ever hurt you."

_Liar, _a voice whispered from somewhere deep in the back of her mind. But Rachel quickly squashed that voice and smiled up at him. "I love you too," she murmured.

After a few moments they separated, looking awkwardly at the glass still on the floor and the hold in the wall. "That'll cost me my deposit," Rachel commented quietly, making Jesse cringe. 

"No, I'll pay for it to be repaired." He soothed, making her smile in relief. "But, uh, could you clean up the glass while I call the repair company?" He asked sheepishly.

His hangdog expression made her agree, and soon she was on her knees picking up the shards of glass that had nearly hit her mere minutes before, her hands trembling as she imagined what could have happened. What would have happened if his aim had been off just a little bit and the glass had hit her face.

It was a horrible image to think about, and she forcefully cleared her mind of the horrific sight of her face cut up and bleeding, trying to explain how she got the cuts to suspicious paramedics who wouldn't understand what had happened, or any of the history that she and Jesse had.

This time it was her fault, and she knew it. She shouldn't have lied to him; she should have known that he would be able to see through her just as easily as he always had before. It had been a silly attempt to stop herself from looking ridiculous once she'd realized she had no basis for her suspicions except for a vague concept from her father.

Now she would know to never lie to him again, she supposed, although this wasn't quite the way she had hoped for that particular message to be imparted. Still, she had been foolish to think that her flimsy story would actually hold water with him.

Rachel smiled at Jesse when he returned to the room after she had finished cleaning up the glass and water. But the clench of fear in her stomach had only gotten stronger, and she knew that she had to be careful where she stepped from now on.

She had never known that relationships could be so volatile.


End file.
